• Thank you friends readers and passers-by for your continuous support to my blog. I will not be able to update often now and many articles and short story left hanging in the draft box due to the pressure of time lately but nevertheless I am trying to cope with it and will post few as time goes by.

    Pleasant day and have a good life.

    Love

    Sanaa

    Good things come to those who wait.
    Better things come to those who try.
    Best things come to those who believe.
    Desired things come to those who pray.

    "Islamic Thinking"

    A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
    Lao Tzu

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Cermin Diri

Sudah terlalu lama rasanya saya tidak benar-benar menulis sebuah artikel. Telah beberapa kali mencuba menulis namun keadaan kerja yang mendesak menjadikan ketandusan idea yang berpanjangan. Begitu jugalah dengan hari ini walaupun topic yang ada amat elok untuk dikupas dengan mendalam. Namun begitu demi meleraikan rasa yang terbenam di lubuk hati, sedikit sebanyak pembacaan dari blog-blog yang ada saya kepilkan di bawah ini untuk tatapan kita bersama.

Tajuk di atas sebenarnya telah berputar lama…tatkala terkenangkan hampir setahun pemergian ayahanda yang dikasihi. Teringat kembali saya ketika arwah sakit di bulan-bulan akhir hayatnya. Ketika dirinya kembali seperti anak kecil yang semua keperluan perlu diuruskan oleh orang lain. Tidak seharipun terlintas di fikiran saya bahawa suatu hari nanti saya menyempurnakan tugas tersebut. Namun tanggungjawab sebagai anak saya laksanakan walaupun seorang perempuan. Semasa arwah dirawat di hospital ada juga yang bertanya tidak ada saudara lelaki ke yang boleh menjaga arwah waktu itu. Saya sekadar membalas dengan senyuman.

Di minggu-minggu terakhir keadaan menjadi lebih sukar apabila suara dan butir bicaranya makin perlahan, sekadar angguk dan geleng serta menunjuk jari ketika memerlukan sesuatu. Setiap pagi, tengahari dan petang semasa membersihkan dirinya dan waktu diantaranya juga terdetik di hati saya, siapakah yang boleh saya harapkan andainya satu hari nanti saya terlantar begitu. Apakah nanti mampu anak-anak saudara yang dibelai waktu ini meluangkan masa dan tenaga menjaga seorang ibu saudara yang telah uzur? Apakah nanti diizinkan oleh suami ataupun isteri mereka? Sudah pasti diwaktu mendatang masing-masing punya tanggungjawab sendiri untuk dilaksanakan.

Saya teruskan pertanyaan kepada diri kerana teringat pula leteran ibu saudara yang mengatakan anak-anak mereka melebihkan kawan dari keluarga dan saudara mara. Ini adalah kebenaran kerana saya tidak bertemu dengan seorang sepupu perempuan telah agak lama. Setiap kali berada di majlis kesyukuran keluarga atau kenduri kendara, sepupu ini tidak datang. Pastinya kami tertanya-tanya. Keluh kesah ibu saudara saya kerana malu barangkali kepada anak-anak saudara serta ipar duai yang lain. Dah dinamakan kita ni manusia, sedikit sebanyak umpatan akan keluar juga. Apabila dah kerap sangat tidak datang bila dijemput, terlepas juga mengumpat dan mengata. Apabila itu terjadi mestilah kesalahan diletakan di bahu ibu bapa. Hmmm…pusing kot manapun tentu ibu bapa yang terkena.

Kawan…Sahabat…Rakan dan Kenalan datang dalam hidup kita dengan cara yang berbeza-beza serta niat dan hasrat yang berbeza jua. Di antara empat kategori ini, yang manakah nanti dapat menyempurnakan tanggungjawab menjaga kita semasa kita menderita sakit? Siapakah di antara empat ini yang mampu membasuh najis kecil dan besar kita nanti? Anak-anak juga belum tentu dapat melaksanakannya.

Oleh itu kita sebagai yang tua mengambil peranan untuk memberi nasihat dan pesanan kepada anak-anak muda ini, tidak kiralah sama ada darah daging sendiri, saudara mara ataupun jiran tetangga. Namun persoalannya berapa ramaikah yang mahu mendengar nasihat-nasihat begini sekarang. Alasan usia masih muda dan perlu keseronokan adalah paling popular kedengaran. Ada di antara mereka hingga lupa bahawa hidup ini adalah sementara. Kenapa sekarang ramai yang menggunakan alasan masih muda?

Saya dan kawan-kawan yang lain juga pernah muda namun alasan masih muda itu tidak kedengaran dahulu. Apakah mungkin dengan tanggungjawab yang terpikul di bahu kami tidak memberi ruang kepada kami untuk hanya mengejar keseronokan. Bukan kerana ibu bapa menghalang akan tetapi atas kesedaran bahawa kedua ibu bapa kami telah bersusah payah mengeluarkan wang belanja dan berdikit dalam semua perkara ketika kami menuntut dahulu. Di waktu usia lingkungan pertengahan 20’an saya tahu saya mesti bekerja dan menyalurkan bantuan pula kepada adik-adik yang masih belajar.

Di sini sekali saya bertanya…apakah tahap pendidikan yang diterima oleh golongan seusia saya dahulu membuatkan kami cepat dewasa dan kenakalan remaja yang kami lalui tidak memusnahkan diri serta memalukan keluarga dan masyarakat?

Kita digalakan berusaha keras dan gigih untuk mencapai kejayaan dan memperbaiki kehidupan dari masa ke semasa. Walaupun begitu janganlah kita lupa dan lalai kepada tuntutan-tuntutan sunat muakkad sebagai seorang mukmin. Jangan juga kita lupa apabila masuknya waktu, berhentilah seketika dari bekerja lalu tunaikan tanggungjawab kita sebagai hambaNYA dimukabumi ini.

Sedikit waktu yang kita peruntukan untuk menyempurnakan tanggungjawab kita kepadaNYA, mampu memberi kita kewarasan akal dalam memilih jalan kehidupan yang teratur dan berkat. Dugaan yang datang tanpa henti juga mampu kita tangani dengan kesabaran. Mungkin kita tidak punya wang berjuta akan tetapi kita punyai keluarga yang penyayang dan prihatin yang membentuk peribadi mulia. Tidak kira sama ada saudara mara ataupun kawan…sahabat…rakan dan kenalan nasihat yang sudah sebati adalah kata-kata ketika ada semua mengelilingi kita dan ketika kantung kita kosong berterbanganlah semua.

Besar kemungkinan kepada sesiapa yang belum mengalami atau melalui pahit getir begini, kesedaran ataupun keinsafan tidak terlekat di hati walaupun berbuih nasihat diberikan. Akan tetapi ingatlah anak-anak muda sekalian, usia bukan penentu segalanya. Sakit tidak menanti tua, ajal jua bukan di tangan kita. Walaupun adakalanya nasihat dianggap bebelan dan mencerobohi hak seseorang individu namun cubalah lapangkan hati, bersihkan minda serta duduk sebentar meneliti dan mengupas segala yang berlaku dikeliling kita. Janganlah angkuh dan sombong dengan kedudukan yang ada, kecantikan wajah yang dikurnia Allah, ketampanan dan kecantikan pasangan kita, kerana setiap yang hidup pasti akan ada cabaran masing-masing. Hanya dengan iman yang teguh dan keikhlasan hati menerima teguran dan nasihat dapat membantu kita menghadapi masa-masa mendatang.

Percayalah bahawa dengan iman yang teguh serta keikhlasan, kejayaan akan dapat diraih dan dikecapi dengan bahagia yang penuh erti. Jangan sesekali mengizinkan orang-orang disekeliling kita baik saudara mara serta empat kategori kawan yang ada bersama kita di kala senang sahaja. Didiklah mereka untuk menjadi sahabat sejati di mana masa ketawa mereka bersama dan di masa berduka airmata mengalir sama. Kekuatan fizikal yang kita miliki sekarang akan hilang tanpa kita sedari akan tetapi keimanan yang teguh menjanjikan senyuman sehingga kakunya sekujur tubuh.

“People say don’t judge the book by it’s cover BUT we are judged by friends we have and book we read”.

Seorang teman pernah berkata bahawa masyarakat adalah cermin kita dan setiap tingkah laku kita mempunyai “reflection” tersendiri di kacamata masyarakat. Baik ataupun buruk kehidupan kita, kitalah yang mencorakannya.

Alangkah indahnya dan berkat sungguh andai beroleh ‘RASA SENANG DI LUAR DAN RASA TENANG DI DALAM’ Tidak perlu ditunjuk-tunjuk…cahaya wajah mengiyakan segalanya.

Written by : Sanaa 18/02/13

*****

Perbezaan Maksud Antara Sahabat, Kawan, Rakan Dan Kenalan

Definisi kawan dan sahabat kadangkala dianggap mengelirukan bagi sesetengah individu. Berikut adalah definisi atau maksud bagi istilah sahabat, kawan, rakan dan kenalan.

Sahabat

Sahabat adalah orang yang memiliki rasa tanggungjawab terhadap diri kita, tetapi tidak memiliki hubungan darah. Dalam erti kata lain, sahabat bukan terdiri daripada adik-beradik tetapi berupaya mewujudkan hubungan yang mirip hubungan persaudaraan antara adik-beradik. Sahabat adalah orang yang banyak memberi manfaat dan kebaikan kepada kita, dan kita juga begitu.

Sahabat adalah seorang yang setiakawan, boleh membantu apabila kita berada di dalam kesusahan, meredakan kesedihan ,menghilangkan kebimbangan dan sanggup berjuang demi kebaikan kita. Sahabat adalah orang yang mampu menyimpan rahsia dan keaiban kita. Mereka akan sentiasa melindungi kita.

Sahabat tidak semestinya memiliki minat atau pendapat yang sama dengan kita, tetapi mereka akan sentiasa ada apabila kita memerlukannya. Sahabat adalah orang yang membuatkan berasa selamat apabila mereka ada bersama-sama, sebab mereka adalah orang yang sangat setiakawan. Sahabat adalah orang-orang yang sangat menyayangi kita.

Sahabat kadangkala adalah penjaga, pelindung dan semangat mereka akan sentiasa ada bersama kita.

Kawan

Kawan ialah seorang yang boleh berkongsi lebih dari satu perkara seperti minat, hobi, perasaan, perjuangan dan sebagainya biarpun bukan dari organisasi yang sama. Kawan ialah orang yang selalu berinteraksi dengan kita dan mengenali beberapa fakta peribadi mengenainya.

Kami selalu memiliki masa untuk bersama, bergembira, berseronok dan sebagainya. Kawan biasanya terjadi apabila seseorang itu menemui individu yang lain, yang memiliki persamaan seperti hobi, minat, sikap, tabiat dan pemikiran yang sama dengan dirinya. Kita selalunya berasa seronok dan terhibur apabila berada bersama-sama kawan .
Kawan mungkin boleh berkongsi kesedihan dan kegembiraan, tetapi mereka selalunya tidak akan pergi lebih jauh daripada itu. Malah, sekiranya tidak sependapat, hubungan kawan mungkin boleh terputus.

Rakan

Rakan ialah perantaraan antara kawan daan kenalan. Rakan ialah orang yang berkongsi minat, kerjaya, hobi, permainan, guru, kelas, matlamat dan sebagainya dalam satu organisasi atau kumpulan seperti persatuan, kelab, syarikat, pertubuhan dan sebagainya. Contohnya, ada rakan satu tingkatan, rakan satu sekolah, rakan satu kelab dan sebagainya.

Rakan biasanya orang yang boleh mewujudkan kerjasama. Contohnya boleh belajar bersama-sama dengan rakan sekelas, boleh membuat tugasan berkumpulan bersama-sama rakan satu tingkatan, bekerjasama dengan rakan-rakan sepasukan untuk menewaskan pihak lawan dalam pertandingan bola sepak, dan rakan-rakan sekerja mengadakan mesyuarat untuk syarikat kami dan sebagainya.

Ada rakan yang rapat, ada pula rakan yang boleh dianggap sebagai sahabat, ada pula rakan yang boleh dianggap sebagai kawan, dan ada pula rakan yang hanya boleh dianggap sebagai kenalan.

Kenalan

Kenalan mungkin wujud sebagai rakan. Contohnya rakan chatting, rakan siber dan rakan blogger. Apabila mengenali seseorang itu dalam bentuk atau identiti tertentu, maka dia adalah kenalan. Kenalan adalah orang yang pernah berinteraksi dengan kita tetapi tidak dapat mengesahkan identiti atau kewujudan sebenarnya. Kita perlu berwaspada dengan kenalan-kenalan siber kerana, di luar alam siber, mereka tidak semestinya orang yang sama seperti yang kita pernah kenal di internet.

Kenalan boleh meluahkan perasaan mereka, masalah mereka kepada menerusi ruangan komen, e-mel dan kemudahan-kemudahan interaksi yang lain di internet, tetapi tidak 100% boleh dipercayai. Kenalan kadangkala wujud sebagai satu hiburan, tetapi kadangkala tidak mustahil mereka boleh memberi kebaikan kepada menerusi perkongsian pendapat, idea dan penyelesaian masalah.

Sumber Asal : http://www.gelagatkita.com/

Di petik dari : http://www.gempak.org/forum/showthread.php?t=86438

*****

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future and accepts you just the way you are.

True friends are very hard to come by, but when you recognize someone as being a true friend then you should do you best to hold on to them. Just because someone has been in your life for a long amount of time does not necessarily mean that they are a true friend. Someone who is accepting of your past and that believes in your future will create a positive presence in your life. A true friend will never try to change you because they will love the real you, unless they notice that you aren’t acting as yourself.

A true friend will never be envious of your accomplishments, and will never try to copy your style, which is also an indication of envy. A true friend will be there for you through thick and thin, even when they know that you are wrong, they will stick with you until you are able to make things right. A true friend will push you towards greatness, and not pull you away from it. Most of all a true friend will love you unconditionally, with no strings attached. Who are your true friends?

http://www.searchquotes.com/viewimage/Definition_Of_A_True_Friend/299/

*****

SAHABAT SEJATI

“Sebaik baik sahabat disisi Allah ialah orang yang terbaik terhadap temannya dan sebaik baik jiran disisi Allah ialah orang yang terbaik terhadap jirannya” (H.R al-Hakim)

‘Teman yang paling baik adalah apabila kamu melihat wajahnya, kamu teringat akan Allah, mendengar kata-katanya menambahkan ilmu agama, melihat gerak-gerinya teringat mati..’

ALLAH SWT mencipta makhluk di atas muka bumi ini berpasang-pasangan. Begitu juga manusia, tidak akan hidup bersendirian. Kita tidak boleh lari dari berkawan dan menjadi kawan kepada seseorang. Jika ada manusia yang tidak suka berkawan atau melarang orang lain daripada berkawan, dia dianggap ganjil dan tidak memenuhi ciri-ciri sebagai seorang manusia yang normal.

Inilah antara hikmah, kenapa Allah SWT mencipta manusia daripada berbagai bangsa, warna kulit dan bahasa. Firman Allah SWT dalam surah al-Hujurat ayat 13, yang bermaksud:

“Wahai umat manusia! Sesungguhnya Kami telah menciptakan kamu dari lelaki dan perempuan, dan Kami telah menjadikan kamu berbagai bangsa dan berpuak-puak, supaya kamu berkenal-kenalan(dan beramah mesra antara satu sama lain). Sesungguhnya semulia-mulia kamu di sisi Allah ialah orang lebih bertakwa. Sesungguhnya Allah maha mengetahui, lagi maha mendalam pengetahuanNya.’

DALAM Islam faktor memilih kawan amat dititikberatkan. Hubungan persahabatan adalah hubungan yang sangat mulia, kerana kawan atau sahabat berperanan dalam membentuk personality individu. Ada kawan yang sanggup bersusah-payah dan berkongsi duka bersama kita, dan tidak kurang juga kawan yang nampak muka semasa senang dan hanya sanggup berkongsi kegembiraan sahaja.

Pendek kata sahabat boleh menentukan corak hidup kita. Justeru, jika salah pilih sahabat kita akan merana dan menerima padahnya. Selari dengan hadith Rasululah saw yang bermaksud: “ Seseorang itu adalah mengikut agama temannya, oleh itu hendaklah seseorang itu meneliti siapa yang menjadi temannya” (H.R Abu Daud). Bak kata pepatah Arab, “ Bersahabat dengan penjual minyak wangi, kita akan menerima percikan wangiannya, manakala bersahabat dengan tukang besi, percikan apinya akan mencarikkan baju kita.”

Apakah ciri-ciri seorang sahabat yang baik? Seorang bijak pandai berpesan kepada anak lelakinya: “Wahai anakku, sekiranya engkau berasa perlu untuk bersahabat dengan seseorang, maka hendaklah engkau memilih orang yang sifatnya seperti berikut:

Jika engkau berbakti kepadanya, dia akan melindungi kamu;

Jika engkau rapatkan persahabatan dengannya, dia akan membalas balik persahabatan kamu;

Jika engkau memerlu pertolongan daripadanya, dia akan membantu kamu;

Jika engkau menghulurkan sesuatu kebaikan kepadanya, dia akan menerimanya dengan baik;

Jika dia mendapat sesuatu kebajikan (bantuan) daripada kamu, dia akan menghargai atau menyebut kebaikan kamu;

Jika dia melihat sesuatu yang tidak baik daripada kamu, dia akan menutupnya;

Jika engkau meminta bantuan daripadanya, dia akan mengusahakannya;

Jika engkau berdiam diri (kerana malu hendak meminta), dia akan menayakan kesusahan kamu;

Jika datang sesuatu bencana menimpa dirimu, dia akan meringankan kesusahan kamu;

Jika engkau berkata kepadanya, nescaya dia akan membenarkan kamu;

Jika engkau merancangkan sesuatu, nescaya dia akan membantu kamu;

Jika kamu berdua berselisih faham, nescaya dia lebih senang mengalah untuk menjaga kepentingan persahabatan.

Dia membantumu menunaikan tanggungjawab serta melarang melakukan perkara buruk dan maksiat

Dia mendorongmu mencapai kejayaan didunia dan akhirat.

Sebagai remaja yang terlepas daripada pandangan ayah ibu berhati-hatilah jika memilih kawan. Kerana kawan, kita bahagia tetapi kawan juga boleh menjahanamkan kita.

Hati-hatilah atau tinggalkan sahaja sahabat seperti dibawah:

sahabat yang tamak: ia sangat tamak, ia hanya memberi sedikit dan meminta yang banyak, dan ia hanya mementingkan diri sendiri.

sahabat hipokrit: ia menyatakan bersahabat berkenaan dengan hal-hal lampau, atau hal-hal mendatang; ia berusaha mendapatkan simpati dengan kata-kata kosong; dan jika ada kesempatan membantu, ia menyatakan tidak sanggup.

sahabat pengampu: Dia setuju dengan semua yang kamu lakukan tidak kira betul atau salah, yang parahnya dia setuju dengan hal yang tidak berani untuk menjelaskan kebenaran, di hadapanmu ia memuji dirimu, dan di belakangmu ia merendahkan dirimu.

sahabat pemboros dan suka hiburan: ia menjadi kawanmu jika engkau suka pesta , suka berkeliaran dan ‘melepak’ pada waktu yang tidak sepatutnya, suka ke tempat-tempat hiburan dan pertunjukan.

Hati-hatilah memilih kawan, kerana kawan boleh menjadi cermin peribadi seseorang. Apa pun berkawanlah kerana Allah untuk mencari redha-NYA.

Dipetik dari : http://mimpilalu.blogspot.com/2012/03/sahabat-sejati-menurut-perspektif-islam.html

*****

Menjaga Kerukunan Hidup Bermasyarakat

Hadith:

DARI Abi Hurairah r.a katanya : Telah bersabda Rasulullah SAW : Janganlah kamu saling dengki-mendengki, janganlah kamu saling tipu-menipu, janganlah kamu saling belakang-membelakangi dan janganlah kamu menjual di atas jualan setengah daripada kamu dan jadilah kamu hamba Allah yang bersaudara.

Orang Islam adalah saudara kepada orang Islam yang lain, tidak boleh ia menganiayai dan tidak boleh membiarkannya (dalam kehinaan) serta tidak boleh mendustai dan tidak boleh menghinanya.

Taqwa itu di sini (Nabi berkata sambil menunjukkan ke arah dadanya tiga kali) Sudah cukup banyak kejahatan seseorang itu bahawa ia merendahkan saudara seIslamnya.

Sekalian orang Islam atas orang Islam yang lain adalah haram darahnya, hartanya dan kehormatannya.

Riwayat Muslim

Huraian Hadith:

Mengharungi kehidupan pada zaman serba moden ini memperlihatkan kepada kita akan struktur hidup bermasyarakat Islam hari ini menjadi semakin terlalu individualistik.

Sesungguhnya sebagai agama keamanan, Islam sangat menuntut umatnya supaya menghormati sesama manusia. Antara perkara yang harus diberikan perhatian ialah seperti menjaga keselamatan nyawa daripada berlaku pembunuhan sesama sendiri, menjaga maruah di dalam masyarakat daripada segala fitnah, tuduh-menuduh dan hasad dengki, menjaga keselamatan harta benda dan sebagainya daripada kecurian, rompakan pencerobohan dan lain-lain.

Sebagai seorang Muslim kita mestilah menghormati maruah individu Muslim yang lain kerana setiap individu mempunyai hak dan tanggungjawab, seperti hak untuk dihormati oleh orang lain dan tanggungjawab untuk menghormati orang lain.

Antara sebab mengapa puak Yahudi suka melakukan kezaliman terhadap umat Islam adalah dek kerana sikap tidak ambil peduli yang berlaku antara sesama umat Islam hari ini.

Justeru musuh Islam berani bertindak sesuka hati menindas rakyat Palestin serta merampas tanah mereka sedangkan Israel pada hakikatnya dikelilingi negara Arab yang jumlah rakyatnya jauh lebih ramai daripada mereka.

Namun malangnya mereka hanya mampu melihat kezaliman rejim Zionis ini tanpa mampu untuk berbuat apa-apa.

Sebetulnya umat Islam harus hidup sepertimana yang disebut dalam pepatah Melayu cubit paha kiri, paha kanan terasa sakitnya.

Dengan perkataan lain, jika kita inginkan segala kebaikan untuk diri kita, maka kita juga ingin umat Islam lain juga menikmati kebaikan itu.

Sumber: Jabatan Kemajuan Islam Malaysia

Pengaruh Rakan/Teman/Keluarga

Sepanjang minggu lalu ada saja terdengar berita kawan-kawan serta sahabat handai yang kurang sihat. Tidak terkecuali dengan diri saya sendiri. Faktor usia serta pengaruh cuaca di hujung tahun begini dijadikan alasan batuk, demam dan selsema menyerang. Memang tidak dapat dinafikan setiap kali bercerita tentang penyakit mesti berkaitan dengan musim serta keadaan cuaca yang tidak menentu.

Apabila diamati keadaan sebegini, kita sedapat tidak harus dan mesti mengakui bahawa di peringkat manapun kita berada keadaan sekeliling tetap mempengaruhi kita. Apabila musim panas tiba, tatkala diserang batuk dan selsema kita akan mengatakan cuaca adalah puncanya, begitulah juga apabila musim hujan tiba. Tidak akan pernah kita berkata bahawa tidak menjaga kesihatan dan beringat membuatkan kita jatuh sakit.

Keadaan alam sekitar juga mempengaruhi kehidupan kita. Alam sekitar yang bersih pastinya membuat kita merasa tenang, segar dan gembira. Persekitaran yang kotor pula sudah pasti membuat kita resah gelisah dengan bauan yang tidak enak. Begitu juga dengan suasana di dalam rumah dan juga halaman rumah kita sendiri. Bayangkan kalau kita punya halaman yang luas lalu diserikan oleh bunga-bungaan serta dedaunan yang tumbuh segar dan dijaga rapi, pastinya setiap kali kita berada di halaman tersebut kegembiraan terpancar.

Petikan kata di atas semuanya berlandaskan pengaruh terhadap kehidupan kita. Betapa besarnya pengaruh setiap kejadian ke atas diri kita sehingga boleh membuat kita rasa bahagia, kecewa dan juga tertekan. Itulah putaran hidup yang tidak akan lekang dari awal hinggalah akhirnya. Sepanjang kita menjalani kehidupan dari kecil hingga dewasa kita juga akan bertemu dengan berbagai halangan dan dugaan. Setiap dari dugaan yang datang sedikit sebanyak akan mempengaruhi perjalanan hidup kita. Sepanjang itu juga kita berkenal dengan ramai orang, misalnya semasa kita menyambung pelajaran di pusat-pusat pengajian tinggi, semasa kita bekerja ataupun semasa kita menunggu nombor giliran dipanggil di tempat-tempat awam. Seseorang yang peramah pasti akan tercetus bicara semasa menunggu walaupun untuk waktu yang singkat.

Pertemuan yang tidak terduga ini terbentuk oleh keadaan yang mempengaruhi di masa itu. Bosan menunggu barangkali ataupun melihat orang di sebelah resah dan bosan membuatkan naluri untuk bertegur sapa. Adakalanya pertemuan begini akan berkekalan menjadi sahabat dan juga kenalan keluarga. Di sini masih ada faktor yang mempengaruhi kan? Betapa kuatnya kuasa PENGARUH orang lain, keadaan sekeliling dan pengalaman sendiri dalam pembentukan jati diri kita dan juga kehidupan amnya.

Kuasa PENGARUH yang sering menjadi topik perbincangan masa kini adalah rakan sebaya. Dilema yang menghantui ramai ibu bapa dan juga penjaga kepada anak-anak belasan tahun yang ada di antara rakan sebaya menjalani kehidupan bebas tanpa batasan. Peningkatan peratusan kes-kes jenayah, dadah, hubungan sex bebas. sumbang mahram dan banyak lagi gejala sosial di kalangan remaja yang kebanyakannya bermula dan berpunca dari keruntuhan institusi kekeluargaan. Namun kita sering lupa PENGARUH yang ada di kalangan orang-orang dewasa ataupun pertengahan umur menjadi punca runtuhnya institusi kekeluargaan sekarang ini. Kita memandang serius kepada gejala pengaruh rakan sebaya sehingga kita lupa kepada pengaruh kalangan orang dewasa yang merupakan scenario lebih merbahaya dalam kehidupan kita. Seseorang dewasa sepatutnya mampu berfikir apa yang baik untuk diri, keluarga dan juga masyarakat serta mempunyai minda yang kuat untuk membezakan hasutan kawan-kawan sekeliling oleh kerana pengalaman yang telah dilalui.

Pada awalnya saya kurang pasti bagaimana untuk membezakan di antara PENGARUH dan HASUTAN. Akan tetapi setelah dibelek dan diteliti peranan PENGARUH banyak terjerumus kepada ikutan atau terikut-ikut dengan gaya hidup atau cara-cara orang sekeliling kita manakala HASUTAN pula adalah cakap-cakap yang dituturkan kepada seseorang sehingga orang yang dihasut itu percaya seratus peratus segala apa yang hendak disampaikan sehingga ada yang bertindak di luar dugaan. Di dalam kes-kes yg extreme dan kesan tekanan meningkat, seseorang boleh bertindak ganas. Mengikut kajian kedua kategori ini berada dalam golongan “sakit jiwa”. Cemburu juga hadir kadang kala dengan hasutan apabila telinga sudah sebati dengan pujuk rayu kawan-kawan yang menyimpan perasaan dengki terhadap kawan sendiri. Apabila perkara yang sama dituturkan setiap hari, otak mula berfikir berlandaskan nafsu lalu menghalangi akal.

Pengaruh yang baik pasti hasilnya baik…begitulah yang selalu dan biasa menjadi ingatan kepada kita oleh pakar-pakar motivasi. Kita disarankan untuk mengikuti dan belajar cara-cara orang yang telah berjaya dalam perniagaan dan kehidupan serta kerjaya mereka. Ada diantara mereka yang berkongsi pengalaman dan cara-cara untuk mencapai kejayaan. Apabila kita berada di dalam kelompok yang sebegini, kejayaaan serta kecekalan pasti dapat diperolehi walaupun tidak kesemuanya oleh kerana setiap orang mempunyai dugaan dan halangan yang berbeza-beza. Untung batu tenggelam untung sabut timbul…pepatah orang kita. Usaha tangga kejayaan dan disamping itu apabila mempunyai PENGARUH untuk berjaya yang kuat serta kekuatan mental serta fizikal semuanya menjadi mudah.

HASUTAN adalah penyakit masyarakat dan sering dikaitkan dengan ilmu sihir juga dan amat sinonim dikalangan orang Melayu. Hasutan adalah duri yang menjalar dalam diri seseorang apabila terbit perasaan irihati, cemburu, dengki serta dendam. Ia juga terbit dari perasaan ingin “memiliki” pasangan kekasih ataupun suami/isteri seperti kawan-kawan sekeliling. Ini adalah penyakit masyarakat yang paling bahaya. Rumahtangga hancur, persahabatan terlerai dan kehilangan harta-benda tidak terkecuali.

Semuanya ini berpunca dari perkara kecil sahaja akan tetapi merebak dengan luasnya apabila seseorang tidak mampu mengawal perasaan atau menangani masalah sendiri. Oleh itu berhati-hatilah mencari kawan ketika dilanda masalah. Bukan semua teman ataupun kawan boleh dijadikan tempat mengadu. Niat kita jujur dan kita jujur merasakan bahawa persahabatan yang terjalin merupakan sahabat susah dan senang. Akan tetapi kejujuran yang kita berikan sering disalah erti lalu timbul berbagai masalah yang tidak diingini. Seelok-eloknya apabila menghadapi masalah yang terlalu berat dirasakan atau dipikul, carilah pakar perunding/counselor ataupun therapist. Ini bagi mengelakan sebarang nasihat yang diberi bercanggah ataupun bertentangan dengan rasa yang ada dalam diri kita atau seseorang yang dihimpit masalah.

Bertemu dengan orang yang paling asing dengan kita akan membuka ruang luas dan selesa untuk bercerita dan meluahkan segala yang terpendam. Akan tetapi fenomena yang masih kuat dalam masyarakat kita di Malaysia ini adalah tanggapan apabila berjumpa dengan pakar sakit jiwa/therapist seseorang sudah dilabelkan sebagai pengidap sakit jiwa ataupun gila. Persepsi begini mesti dibuang jauh untuk kita membantu orang-orang yang memerlukan bantuan sebelum terlambat atau masalah menjadi lebih serious dan penghidap bertindak ganas. Kekuatan zahir juga bukan penentu “kekuatan” sebenar. Dalam semua proses pemulihan jiwa tidak kira agama dan bangsa, kekuatan dalaman paling di utamakan. Lebih-lebih lagi kepada kita yang beragama Islam terapi zikir dan selawat adalah ubat segala penyakit hati. Mendekatkan diri dengan Allah sudah tentu kita akan mendapat nikmat yang tidak terhingga…Insha’Allah.

Setiap dari kita boleh saja menerima nasihat dan teguran dari sesiapa sahaja lebih-lebih lagi dari kawan dan juga rakan seperjuangan. Namun begitu berhati-hatilah ketika menerima nasihat tersebut. Jangan sesekali menerima nasihat bulat-bulat dan membuat keputusan yang terburu-buru. Orang keliling, teman pejabat dan juga kawan-kawan boleh menjadi tempat kita mengadu nasib akan tetapi mereka semua tidak melalui apa yang kita rasa, lalu keputusan mestilah berdasarkan keadaan diri sendiri dengan berlandaskan nasihat yang diberi. Selalu yang terjadi setiap keputusan yang diambil dan dijatuhkan “hukuman” adalah baik dan cukup untuk masa itu sahaja demi menjaga nama baik keluarga dan diri sendiri. Setelah itu dengan keputusan yang diambil, kita mengorak langkah dan membentuk kehidupan baru bagi menjamin kejadian dulu tidak berulang. Pengalaman yang kita timba dari kejadian dahulu menjadi benteng untuk kita mencapai kejayaan seterusnya. Tidak dinafikan juga kesilapan membuat keputusan akan dan bakal merosakan diri kita sendiri di kemudian hari.

Ini adalah kerana hukum alam mengatakan apa yang kita sulam kita terima kembali, apa yang kita lontar ada kesan gravitinya yang satu hari akan berbalik kepada kita. Seorang ulamak pernah berkata kepada saya dan berpesan juga…”belailah musuh kamu dengan kasih sayang, tidak sekali kita kerugian malah kasih yang kita hulurkan akan terbentuk sebuah sungai yang mengalir di mana sejuk airnya pasti membasahkan hati yang kering”

Fikir-fikirkanlah bahawa mencari teman ketawa mudah sekali teman menangis belum tentu pasti. Dunia yang semakin moden dan canggih telah juga mengubah cara hidup kita. Makin hari makin kita dihimpit oleh rasa ingin berlumba sehingga menjarakan diri kita dengan asas-asas kehidupan.Sepatutnya kita memodenkan fikiran untuk sama-sama berjaya dan berlumba memcari kebahagian dan kekayaan yang dijanjikan oleh Allah. Apa yang terjadi sekarang adalah sebaliknya, ketika mengejar bahagia dan wang ringgit ramai dari kita menghitamkan hati dan melupakan Allah tatkala kita menerima kurnia dan anugerah daripadaNYA.

Beringatlah kita bersama bahawa PENGARUH/HASUTAN adalah dua cabang yang berbeza. Pengaruh dan dipengaruhi tetap ada baik dan buruknya, oleh itu isilah hati dengan ilmu semoga akal mampu melepasi fikiran dan emosi. Seandainya kita mampu berbuat begitu suatu hari nanti dengan izin dariNYA kita adalah contoh yang baik untuk diikuti oleh orang lain dan juga generasi akan datang.

A thought by : Sanaa 20/11/12

*****

Pengaruh Negatif Rakan Sebaya
Azizi Yahaya & Muhamad Jumat Aliju
Fakulti Pendidikan,
Universiti Teknologi Malaysia.
Abstrak : Artikel ini membincangkan tentang pengaruh negatif rakan sebaya terhadap tingkah
laku negatif pelajar tersebut. Dalam artikel ini, disertakan tekanan yang diberikan oleh rakan
sebaya dalam mempengaruhi tingkah laku negatif.

Pengenalan

Rakan sebaya dan keluarga merupakan dua dunia sosial tempat seseorang itu membeza.
Apabila berada di rumah seseorang itu akan bergaul dengan keluarganya yang terdiri daripada
ibu bapa dan adik beradiknya. Manakala apabila seseorang itu berada di luar rumah ia akan
bergaul dengan rakan sebaya. Rakan sebaya ini terdiri daripada pelajar-pelajar atau remaja yang
mempunyai umur yang hampir-hampir sama di antara satu sama lain.

Menurut Klausmerier et. al (1975) di dalam hal-hal seperti tanggungjawab moral,
keberanian, kejuran, kemesraan dan lain-lain “para remaja dipengaruhi oleh pendapat dan
pandangan rakan sebaya yang lebih tinggi daripada pengaruh ibu bapa. Faktor ini banyak
menimbulkan pengeseran di antara para remaja dan ibu bapa. Para remaja merasakan ibu bapa
sebagai pengongkong kebebasan diri. Ibu bapa pula berasa keliru dengan tingkahlaku dan tindak
tanduk remaja dan sebarang usaha untuk menegakkan identiti diri dianggap sebagai menentang.
Kekeliruan ini memburukan pengeseran dan akhirnya menimbulkan masalah. Apabila remaja
menemui masalah seperti ini, ia memerlukan seorang sebagai tempat mengadu hal, mendapat
panduan dan pertolongan. Kadang kala mereka merasa lebih selesa berbincang atau bercerita
masalah mereka dengan rakan sebaya mereka.

Mustafa Fahmi (1971) menyatakan remaja cenderung menuruti tingkah laku kumpulan
yang mana ia berada di dalamnya. Remaja diperingkat awalan ini akan bersungguh mencuba
bertingkah laku seperti tingkahlaku kumpulannya. Remaja ini juga akan melakukan atau
membuat apa yang dilakukan atau dibuat oleh kumpulannya. Muhd. Mansur Abdullah dan rakanrakan (1988) menyatakan dengan mencontohi rakan sebayanya, belia kita akan dapat belajar satu
tingkah laku baru yang cuba diserap dan disesuaikan pula ke dalam personalitinya. Oleh itu
pemilihan rakan sebaya adalah sangat penting. Dalam hal ini, siapa yang patut menentukan jenis
rakan sebaya yang menjadi pilihan. Dalam Islam, ibu bapa sendiri mengenalpasti rakan-rakan
yang berakhlak mulia (Osman Ayub, 1990). Melalui rakan-rakanya yang positif ini akan
wujudlah model-model positif yang boleh dikembangkan di semua peringkat. Di Malaysia, program Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya (PRS) telah dijalankan supaya rakan sebaya dimanfaatkan
untuk membaiki disiplin di kalangan pelajar.

Dalam aspek pengaruh rakan sebaya dapatan kajian lepas menunjukkan pelajar
menghisap rokok secara berkumpulan atau bersama rakan. Pelajar juga menganggap peraturan
atau undang-undang sekolah sebagai sesuatu yang remeh dan tidak perlu dipatuhi. Mereka akan
membentuk kumpulan tersendiri dan mengadakan peraturan tertentu dan ahli kumpulan
hendaklah mematuhinya. Hal ini mula menimbulkan masalah disiplin seperti peras ugut dan
pergaduhan. Biasanya, apabila ahli kumpulan dipukul, mereka akan membalas secara
berkumpulan (Dewan Masyarakat, April 1995).

Dapatan kajian yang disebutkan di atas sejajar dengan dapatan kajian peringkat nasional
yang dijalankan oleh Bahagian Sekolah Kementerian Pendidikan Malaysia pada tahun 1993 yang
menunjukkan punca salahlaku di kalangan pelajar adalah disebabkan oleh faktor diri, keluarga,
persekitaran rakan sebaya dan juga sekolah. Sebagai contoh, kajian tersebut mendapati pada
tahun 1993 kira-kira 81.03 peratus melakukan kerana faktor kekeluargaan 4.10 peratus kerana
pengaruh rakan sebaya dan I.24 peratus kerana faktor persekolahan (Dewan Masyarakat, April
1995).

Tekanan Daripada Rakan Sebaya

Kajian yang sedia ada, menujukan bahawa penglibatan rakan sebaya devian merupakan
faktor kepada tingkah laku delikuen. Oleh itu adalah sangat penting bagi kita mengkaji faktor
utama remaja ini terlibat dengan remaja yang bertingkah laku negatif ini.

Kajian baru menunjukan bahawa penolakan daripada rakan sebaya merupakan faktor
remaja terlibat dengan rakan yang bertingkah laku devian. Data yang diperolehi daripada
“Oregon Youth Study” (Dishion, et.al, 1991) menunjukan bahawa penolakan daripada rakan
sebaya sebab utama remaja terlibat dengan rakan sebaya yang bertingkah laku negatif. Dalam
kajian ini menujukan bahawa kanak-kanak yang berumur 10 tahun yang mengalami keadaan
penolakan daripada rakan sebaya mempunyai kecenderungan yang tinggi untuk terlibat dengan
rakan sebaya yang devian pada umur 12 tahun.

Tingkah laku agresif mempunyai hubungan yang signifikan dengan faktor penolakan
rakan sebaya di dalam masalah tingkah laku negatif remaja. Penolakan oleh rakan sebaya (Coie,
et.al, 1992).

Peranan penolakan rakan sebaya dalam perkembangan remaja juga disokong oleh kajian
yang dijalankan oleh Krueger et al. (1994). Menurut beliau remaja yang terlibat didalam berbagai jenis kesalahan jenayah mempunyai tahap penglibatan sosial yang rendah dan tahap
keterasingan yang tinggi.

Menurut Baumeister and Leary (1995) menyatakan bahawa setiap manusia didorong oleh
dasar kemahuan untuk memiliki. Kenyataan ini disokong oleh Brown dan Lohr (1987) yang
mendapati remaja yang terlibat dengan kumpulan masyarakat (biarpun kumpulan masyarakat
yang berstatus social rendah) mempunyai Self-esteem berbanding remaja yang tidak terlibat
dengan mana-mana kumpulan sosial.
Twenge, Baumeister, Tice, & Stucke (2001) mendapati bahawa individu yang percaya
mereka tidak diterima oleh rakan sebaya lebih aggresif berbanding dengan remaja yang diterima
oleh rakan sebaya. Bagi menerangkan kenyataan ini, penolakan daripada rakan sebaya
menyebabkan self-regulation seseorang remaja berkurangan (Twenge et al, 2001). Dalam kata
lain, penolakan rakan sebaya ini, menyebabkan seseorang kehilangan motivasi untuk bertindak
sebagai pro-sosial.

Terdapat beberapa cara penolakan rakan sebaya mempengaruhi perkembangan remaja
untuk terlibat dengan rakan sebaya yang devian dan deliquent. Salah satu cara ialah, remaja yang
tidak diterima oleh rakan sebaya akan mengalami masalah kekurangan kemahiran sosial dan
agresif selain tingkah laku anti-sosial yang menyebabkan remaja terlibat dengan remaja yang
devian. Menurut hipotesis Deshion et al. (1991), seseorang individu akan mencari kumpulan
rakan sebaya dengan menggunakan usaha yang minimum. Menurut pandangan ini, kanak-kanak
dan remaja yang tidak diterima oleh rakan sebaya, akan mencari kumpulan rakan sebaya lain
yang dapat menerima mereka tanpa mengkehendaki mereka membuat perubahan tingkah laku.
Idea ini disokong oleh Cairns, Cairns, Neckerman, Gest & Gariepy (1988), yang
menggunakan ukuran skala & temubual untuk menentukan ahli kumpulan sosial dan kesukaan
seluruh pelajar darjah empat dan tujuh yang mempunyai tingkah laku agresif dan tingkah laku
tidak agresif.

Mereka mendapati bahawa, subjek agresif mereka kurang popular berbanding dengan
subjek yang tidak agresif. Subjek yang aggresif akan menjadikan subjek-subjek agresif lain
sebagai kumpulan rakan mereka. Subjek yang agresif ini, bertindak sebagai “Sorting Feature”
dalam proses memilih rakan sebaya (Dishion & Owen, 2002). Keadaan ini menunjukan subjek
agresif yang tidak diterima oleh kumpulan rakan sebaya mereka, akan bergabung dengan subjek
agresif lain.

*****

Influence

By Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D.
See Dr. Robert Cialdina’s Web site “Influence at Work”

Introduction

Robert Cialdini is a Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University and has spent many years devoted to the scientific investigation and research of persuasion techniques. His book “Influence” has become a classic. Within his book Cialdini lists six basic social and psychological principles that form the foundation for successful strategies used to achieve influence.

Those six principles are:

Rule of Reciprocity

According to sociologists and anthropologists, one of the most widespread and basic norms of human culture is embodied in the rule of reciprocity. This rule requires that one person try to repay what another person has provided. By obligating the recipient to an act of repayment in the future–the rule for reciprocation allows one individual to give something to another with the confidence that it is not being lost.

This sense of future obligation according to the rule makes possible the development of various kinds of continuing relationships, transactions, and exchanges that are beneficial to society. Consequently, virtually all members of society are trained from childhood to abide by this rule or suffer serious social disapproval.

The decision to comply with someone’s request is frequently based upon the Rule of Reciprocity. Again, a possible and profitable tactic to gain probable compliance would be to give something to someone before asking for a favor in return.

The opportunity to exploit this tactic is due to three characteristics of the Rule of Reciprocity:

The rule is extremely powerful, often overwhelming the influence of other factors that normally determine compliance with a request.

The rule applies even to uninvited first favors, which reduces our ability to decide whom we wish to owe and putting the choice in the hands of others
The rule can spur unequal exchanges. That is–to be rid of the uncomfortable feeling of indebtedness, an individual will often agree to a request for a substantially larger favor, than the one he or she first received.

Another way in which the Rule of Reciprocity can increase compliance involves a simple variation on the basic theme: instead of providing a favor first that stimulates a returned favor, an individual can make instead an initial concession–that stimulates a return concession.

One compliance procedure, called the “rejection-then-retreat technique”, or door-in-the-face technique, relies heavily on the pressure to reciprocate concessions. By starting with an extreme request that is sure to be rejected, the requester can then profitably retreat to a smaller request–the one that was desired all along. This request is likely to now be accepted because it appears to be a concession. Research indicates, that aside from increasing the likelihood that a person will say yes to a request–the rejection-then-retreat technique also increases the likelihood that the person will carry out the request a will agree to future requests.

The best defense against manipulation by the use of the Rule of Reciprocity to gain compliance is not the total rejection of initial offers by others. But rather, accepting initial favors or concessions in good faith, while also remaining prepared to see through them as tricks–should they later be proven so. Once they are seen in this way, there is no longer a need to feel the necessity to respond with a favor or concession.

Commitment and Consistency

People have a desire to look consistent through their words, beliefs, attitudes and deeds and this tendency is supported or fed from three sources:

Good personal consistency is highly valued by society.

Consistent conduct provides a beneficial approach to daily life.
A consistent orientation affords a valuable shortcut through the complexity of modern existence. That is– by being consistent with earlier decisions we can reduce the need to process all the relevant information in future similar situations. Instead, one merely needs to recall the earlier decision and respond consistently.

The key to using the principles of Commitment and Consistency to manipulate people is held within the initial commitment. That is–after making a commitment, taking a stand or position, people are more willing to agree to requests that are consistent with their prior commitment. Many compliance professionals will try to induce others to take an initial position that is consistent with a behavior they will later request.

Commitments are most effective when they are active, public, effortful, and viewed as internally motivated and not coerced. Once a stand is taken, there is a natural tendency to behave in ways that are stubbornly consistent with the stand. The drive to be and look consistent constitutes a highly potent tool of social influence, often causing people to act in ways that are clearly contrary to their own best interests.

Commitment decisions, even erroneous ones, have a tendency to be self-perpetuating–they often “grow their own legs.” That is–those involved may add new reasons and justifications to support the wisdom of commitments they have already made. As a consequence, some commitments remain in effect long after the conditions that spurred them have changed. This phenomenon explains the effectiveness of certain deceptive compliance practices.

To recognize and resist the undue influence of consistency pressures upon our compliance decisions–we can listen for signals coming from two places within us–our stomach or “gut reaction” and our heart.

A bad feeling in the pit of the stomach may appear when we realize that we are being pushed by commitment and consistency pressures to agree to requests we know we don’t want to perform.
Our heart may bother us when it is not clear that an initial commitment was right.
At such points it is meaningful to ask a crucial question, “Knowing what I know now, if I could go back, would I have made the same commitment?”

Social Proof

One means used to determine what is correct is to find out what others believe is correct. People often view a behavior as more correct in a given situation–to the degree that we see others performing it.

This principle of Social Proof can be used to stimulate a person’s compliance with a request by informing him or her that many other individuals, perhaps some that are role models, are or have observed this behavior. This tool of influence provides a shortcut for determining how to behave. But at the same time it can make those involved with using this social shortcut–vulnerable to the manipulations of others who seek to exploit such influence through such things as seminars, group introduction dinners, retreats etc. Group members may then provide the models for the behavior that each group plans to produce in its potential new members.

Social proof is most influential under two conditions:

Uncertainty–when people are unsure and the situation is ambiguous they are more likely to observe the behavior of others and to accept that behavior as correct
Similarity–people are more inclined to follow the lead of others who are similar.
Some recommendations on how to reduce susceptibility to contrived social proofs would include a greater sensitivity to clearly counterfeit evidence. That is–what others are doing and their behavior should not form a sole basis for decision-making.

Liking

People prefer to say yes to individuals they know and like. This simple rule helps to understand how Liking can create influence and how compliance professionals may emphasize certain factors and/or attributes to increase their overall attractiveness and subsequent effectiveness. Compliance practitioners may regularly use several factors.

Physical attractiveness–is one feature of a person that often may help to create some influence. Although it has long been suspected that physical beauty provides an advantage in social interaction, research indicates that this advantage may be greater than once supposed. Physical attractiveness seems to engender a “halo” effect that extends to favorable impressions of other traits such as talent, kindness, and intelligence. As a result, attractive people are more persuasive both in terms of getting what they request and in changing others’ attitudes.

Similarity–is a second factor that influences both Liking and compliance. That is–we like people who are like us and are more willing to say yes to their requests, often without much critical consideration.

Praise–is another factor that produces Liking, though this can sometimes backfire when they are crudely transparent. But generally compliments most often enhance liking and can be used as a means to gain compliance.

Increased familiarity–through repeated contact with a person or thing is yet another factor that normally facilitates Liking. But this holds true principally when that contact takes place under positive rather than negative circumstances. One positive circumstance that may works well is mutual and successful cooperation.

A final factor linked to Liking is often association. By associating with products or positive things–those who seek influence frequently share in a halo effect by association. Other individuals as well appear to recognize the positive effect of simply associating themselves with favorable events and distancing themselves from unfavorable ones.

A potentially effective response that reduces vulnerability to the undue influence of Liking upon decision-making requires a recognition of how Liking and its attending factors may impact our impression of someone making requests and soliciting important decisions. That is– recognizing how someone making requests may do inordinately well under certain circumstances–should cause us to step back from some social interaction and objectively separate the requester from his or her offer or request. We should make decisions, commitments and offer compliance based upon the actual merits of the offer or request.

Authority

In the seminal studies and research conducted by Milgram regarding obedience there is evidence of the strong pressure within our society for compliance when requested by an authority figure. The strength of this tendency to obey legitimate authorities is derived from the systematic socialization practices designed to instill in society the perception that such obedience constitutes correct conduct. Additionally, it is also frequently adaptive to obey the dictates of genuine authorities because such individuals usually possess high levels of knowledge, wisdom, and power. For these reasons, deference to authorities can occur in a mindless fashion as a kind of decision-making shortcut. When reacting to authority in an automatic fashion there is a tendency to often do so in response to the mere symbols of authority rather than to its substance.

Three types of symbols have been demonstrated through research as effective in this regard:

In separate studies investigating the influence of these symbols–individuals that possessed one or another of these symbols, even without other legitimizing credentials, were accorded more deference or obedience by those they encountered. Moreover, in each instance, those individuals who deferred and/or obeyed these individuals underestimated the effect of authority pressures upon their behavior.

Asking two questions can attain a meaningful defense against the detrimental effects of undue influence gained through authority.

Is this authority truly an expert?

How truthful can we expect this expert to be?

The first question directs our attention away from symbols and toward actual evidence for authority status. The second advises us to consider not just the expert’s knowledge in the situation, but also his or her trustworthiness. With regard to this second consideration, we should be alert to the trust-enhancing tactic in which a communicator may first provide some mildly negative information about himself or herself. This can be seen as a strategy to create the perception of honesty–making subsequent information seem more credible to those listening.

Scarcity

According to the Principle of Scarcity–people assign more value to opportunities when they are less available. The use of this principle for profit can be seen in such high-pressure sales techniques as only a “limited number” now available and a “deadline” set for an offer. Such tactics attempt to persuade people that number and/or time restrict access to what is offered. The scarcity principle holds true for two reasons:

Things difficult to attain are typically more valuable. And the availability of an item or experience can serve as a shortcut clue or cue to its quality.

When something becomes less accessible, the freedom to have it may be lost.

According to psychological reactance theory, people respond to the loss of freedom by wanting to have it more. This includes the freedom to have certain goods and services. As a motivator, psychological reactance is present throughout the great majority of a person’s life span. However, it is especially evident at a pair of ages: “the terrible twos” and the teenage years. Both of these periods are characterized by an emerging sense of individuality, which brings to prominence such issues as control, individual rights, and freedoms. People at these ages are especially sensitive to restrictions.

In addition to its effect on the valuation of commodities, the Principle of Scarcity also applies to the way that information is evaluated. Research indicates that the act of limiting access to a message may cause individuals to want it more and to become increasingly favorable to it. The latter of these findings, that limited information is more persuasive–seems the most interesting. In the case of censorship, this effect occurs even when the message has not been received. When a message has been received, it is more effective if it is perceived to consist of some type of exclusive information.

The scarcity principle is more likely to hold true under two optimizing conditions

Scarce items are heightened in value when they are newly scarce. That is things have higher value when they have become recently restricted–more than those than those things that were restricted all along have.
People are most attracted to scarce resources when they compete with others for them.
It is difficult to prepare ourselves cognitively against scarcity pressures because they have an emotional quality that makes thinking difficult. In defense, we might attempt to be alert regarding the sudden rush of emotions in situations involving scarcity. Perhaps this awareness may allow us to remain calm and take steps to assess the merits of an opportunity in terms of why we really want and objectively need.

This is based upon the summary notes within the book–Influence. By Robert B. Cialdini, Ph.D. (Quill, NY, 1984 (Revised 1993)

Compiled by : Sanaa

The Mistress Mentality

Compiling, reading articles and browsing the net is part and parcel of my daily chores. I must read…for me to write and finding topic or subject is another crucial daily chores. Sometimes idea came across while chatting with friends, looking and observing activities people around me or while having a cup of coffee at side-walk café in Bukit Bintang.

It was a rare occasion for me hanging around Bukit Bintang after 10 pm but I did it with my niece and nephews sometime last week. It is fun though looking at people going fast and about their lives. At one corner a couple having a romantic dinner, smooching at each other and noticing they been observed. At the other end a multi-racial group of people talking and having a good laugh with beer in hand, whistling to the sexy or nearly half-naked women along the street and few decent couple just having their snacks and coffee. Here I am with my young adult niece and nephews together with my brother, sister and sister in-law making observation about life in general.

I raised many questions in my mind about many things. Looking at people walking and passing by rushing home perhaps, make me think about the youngsters or young executives around the area that night. They looked tired after a long day at work and perhaps they just want to chill before going home. I am sure they have a decent job and with a decent income.

My eyes can’t stop roaming around as far as my eyes can take, and by looking at their behaviour anyone can’t stop judging. Laughing out loud, their dress, their company and their action will definitely attract the attention of others. Without notice I become a street writer…taking notes using my mental picture and my eyes the photographic view. Can I be blamed for it?

When we are out there and doing things in the public and with many scrutinizing eyes, we can’t avoid people’s perception. I am sure I am being observed too since I’m there with three young adults together with three adults. Not a normal place for a family to hang out for a cup of coffee and slice of cake or a piece of toast bread, isn’t it? But it is a life lesson to the three young adults and it is a way of learning social etiquette and behaviour and human relationship too. I’m not saying it is THE BEST way or it is the way but sometimes exposure will be good. Make them think, is this the kind of life they wanted after their graduation and in working life? What kind of responsibility these youngsters have toward themselves, parents and society?

For few in their office attire, we will know at precise moment they had a hard day at work, a cup and tête-à-tête with friends before going home will release the tension of the day maybe. The rest and especially the young women between the age of 20 to 25 hanging around with the guys, laughing out loud, and cigarettes in hand, wine or beer at the other will definitely formed an image or wondering questions for a person like me. Aren’t they working the next day? What they do for a living? Are they rich spoil brat?

Being at this age I can’t help asking myself are these kinds of bunch will be my son or daughter in-law one day. Will I one day prepare 1000 of questionnaire before allowing my son or daughter to get married? I must admit I belong to the old school of thought; marriage is a solemn promised between a man and a woman. Whenever two people agree to tie a knot there will be vow taken and a vow given which brings us to our basic of life; our religion. How rich we are, how modern life could be, how educated we are or how fortunate and unfortunate we could be, there’s always brings us back to our roots. No amount of money can buy happiness without honesty, sincerity, trust, loyal and being grateful.

As we about to leave just before midnight, there are few familiar faces around town taking their seat. No one can miss them because they are our local known celebrities. Nothing is wrong with them being there, I’m there with my family members but the moment their beverages arrived my nephew raised his eye-brow. As though a record is playing, my late father advises came into mind…you can’t change the society but you can change yourself for a better future with your mind-set, attitude, and behaviour and the top of the list, remember your roots. In whatever we do religion comes first.

It is easier said than done, trust me but life is a process. Going through the process, I’ve learned to accept, adept, listen and observed with open heart and mind which life is to short for everything. As a girl, young adults, grown-up and matured I have seen and experienced the turmoil of life which makes me grateful for what I have. The education given to me and the life experienced make me wanted to cry for the youngsters of today.

What will they become?

A thought by: Sanaa 19/11/12

*****

The Mistress Mentality and Why You’ll Never Be More Than That

I’ve always lived by the age old saying “People will only do to you what you allow them to do” and the same rings true in relationships. There are a lot of women who have the mistress mentality and in turn will always be the mistress. Even if they are the main woman in their man’s life, they’re still the mistress. Why? Because they have the mistress mind-set and haven’t learned to grow out of it.

In a conversation about open relationships someone said that they are not against open relationships. They went on to say that they would only date one person, but wouldn’t be upset with their “significant other” dating other people. To me, there is something wrong with this ideology. What’s the point of being in an open relationship and your mate is the only person who’s open? This makes you the mistress in your own relationship. Essentially you’re just allowing him to cheat, yet you stick around with him because for some reason you feel that you have to. Some women may say “it’s in a man’s nature to be with multiple women” and this too is the mistress mentality and why you’ll never amount to more than just that, a mistress.

Not all men cheat, but do you think you’ll get a faithful man if you let him know from the beginning that you expect him to step out on you. Not only are you letting him know that you expect it, but you’re letting him know it’s okay. Your mistress mentality has convinced you that no man is capable of monogamy and that’s not true. Men will only do what you allow them to do.

The problem with the mistress mentality is that far too many mistresses have a weak mind. They are okay with bad behavior from men because that’s all they have had to endure. The problem with this is that a lot of these women can’t get passed that point and will forever remain the side-chick. Do you want to die the ultimately lonely mistress? You may want to fix your mind set.

Read more: http://www.balleralert.com/profiles/blogs/the-mistress-mentality-amp-why-you-ll-never-be-more-than-that#ixzz2CejayBTQ

*****

A mistress can be loosely defined as a woman currently connected to a man for the purposes of sexual favors. But the question remains – what else, if anything does either party get out of such a relationship? In the wake of the Tiger Woods fiasco, the term “mistress” has been examined, explored, re-defined, and overstated.

Initially, a mistress might be a woman that participates in sexual activity with a married man for no other reason than the purpose of sexual pleasure. However, in this day and age, more and more women require “payment for services rendered”. Of course, no one wants to be compared to a prostitute. But what’s the difference? A mistress might have a bill or two paid; having this married man fill up the refrigerator with groceries; purchase clothes, vacations, etc. Each of these “purchases” takes money out of the man’s household. All the while, the needs of the mistress appear to be met. So who’s at fault? The man or the mistress?

There are two different schools of thought regarding this form of “friends-with-benefits”. Married persons have entered into a contract – and unless there is an expressed understanding of an open relationship, then those benefits amount to no more than cheating! The cheater often states that they receive conversation, attention, and sex from the “mistress”. The mistress is either enjoying the company for nothing more than it is; or has her own hidden agenda (ie, bills paid, attempting to take this man from his current spouse, etc.).

So the question remains. Should the fault lie with the cheater? They are “forsaking” vows and are the guilty party within the committed relationship. Or should the fault lie with the mistress? Had they not made themselves available, cheating of the sexual nature would not occur.

http://www.examiner.com/article/a-mistress-mentality

*****

Inside the mind of a mistress
By : Amanda Deer

This weekend I had the opportunity to chat with a woman I had never met. I was visiting her place of work (for other reasons) and she sat across from me during her morning break. We struck up a conversation about health care, arthritis, the government, and finally love. It’s when my new acquaintance, a 60-something divorcee, mentioned her boyfriend.

I asked if there were wedding bells in the air. She responded, “Oh, he’s not ‘available’.” I tried to conceal the horror that I’m sure projected from my eyes when she explained, “He’s married.”

My mind screamed, You are the very thing which I most fear and despise! You are the woman my entire life’s work attempts to counteract! However, now was not the time to rebuke this woman by telling her she was ruining society. I knew we would not build a friendship that way and that any angry diatribe wouldn’t change her ways. So I calmed myself and just talked to her. She told me she’s been in the affair for 20 years and I simply asked, “Why?”

I found out she wasn’t a Christian, that she was devastatingly lonely and felt unloved by “everyone in the world,” even her own family. She was almost in tears as she she protested, “People just don’t understand!” She met the only man in the world who ever valued her. He conveyed love to her and showed her kindness, unlike so many she had met. So when the choice came, her desire for all those things overpowered her notions of right and wrong.

My heart broke, and my thoughts turned inward. This is what a life without Christ is often like. This woman, not knowing the things of God, tried to fill the void in her life with the love of a man, any man.

Though she is mired in sexual sin, God loves this woman. And my heart broke for her in a way that has changed the way I see the lost.

http://www.boundlessline.org/2010/07/inside-the-mind-of-a-mistress.html

*****

The Role of a Mistress: Is it as Glamorous as it Seems?

Mistress: A mysterious sexy woman that a married man sees in secret to have a romantic and sexual relationship with. This is the definition of a mistress. There is good sex, hotel room adventures, late nights, seductive phone calls, exciting secret dates, gifts and the thrill of doing something bad. But is being a mistress as glamorous as it seems?

Yes, BUT only at first. Being a mistress has its exciting moments and these are the moments that convince women to become a mistress in the first place. In the beginning, the mistress holds all the power. She is the one who has the married man under a love spell and she gets all his attention and time that he should be spending with his wife. She is the one he fantasizes about when he is with his wife and the one he misses. He urges for her company and longs to hear her voice. The mistress is the woman a married man makes first priority and will shower her with gifts to keep her happy. This all sounds fun and good, but it is very short lived and eventually, the light goes on and shines on the truth of what the life of a mistress really is and eventually becomes after the sexy stage is over.

Relationships that start off in deception usually end in deception. When a woman gets involved with a married man, she turns a blind eye to the fact that he is a cheater and an unreliable partner. She sees only what she wants to see and believes only what she wants to believe. She acknowledges the fact that he is cheating on his wife with her, but refuses to see that she too is a victim of his selfish behavior- choosing to make herself his victim. Men rarely leave their wives and family for their mistresses, which means that they string their mistresses along, having them believe that one day they will both be together with no more hiding around. Mistresses hang on to this fantasy, believing that their married lover truly loves them and will eventually be with them and this begins a long journey of emotional pain, emptiness and endless waiting.

There are of course cases when a married man will actually leave his wife to be with his mistress, this has been known to happen, but it is rare. Plus, if it does happen, the relationship usually does not last, even if man and mistress go as far as getting married. This is because when the relationship started, it was not planted on solid, honest ground. Instead, the seed of the relationship was planted on unstable ground, fertilized with secrets and lies- regardless of whom the secrets were being kept from and whom the lies were being told to. Secrets and lies disallow people from being their true selves- a part of you has to be put on hold due to the man-mistress circumstance. If the man and his mistress do end up together and get married, they eventually have troubles with trust, because of the way they got together. They both know that they are capable of cheating and going along with cheating and while they may actually love each other- all the facts defining their relationship has the greater influence, whether they want to acknowledge it or not.

Most man-mistress relationships do not get that far though and majority of the times, he will not leave his marriage for his mistress. He may believe at one point that he will, but his feeling of responsibility and need to be loyal to his wife and family take over and he therefore does not leave. Most men have affairs because of communication problems in their marriage or an empty gap that has grown in their marriage and they are unsure on how to approach. They long for good happy company again without complications, and an affair is a good escape for them- but it does not last forever.

http://www.love-sessions.com/cheating.htm

Compiled by : Sanaa 18/11/12

Personalities and Public Perception

Weekends usually meant for us to spend time with friends, families and love ones. It is a normal routine for us I am sure. Few of us will grumble for not having enough time during weekend to do everything they have planned and there will be intervened by others or situation during the two days. This weekend although less hectic for me but the activities was fun with my nephew and nieces. I love to play the caring and doting aunty once in a while. Catching up my breath by mid day Sunday, reading few days’ newspaper in a row not forgetting the gossip column of local artist I smile to myself. What are we getting into now? Bringing Hollywood into the scene or being an artist we shouldn’t be afraid of critics about our personalities and public perception.

Observing the trend and scenarios of the local scene, the word “minta maaf” has been used unethically by our artist lately. Another favourite terms been used is “nilai kerjaya saya bukan peribadi saya” or when been interviewed by media their common saying goes “jangan terlalu pertikaikan soal peribadi, tumpukan kepada kerjaya”. Today of all days I’ve been reading few sensation gossip columns and the hit of the week was dress worn by Nabila Huda at the Anugerah Blockbuster and picture of Erin Malik in her instagram. The two merely example of all I’ve heard about our local artist. Mentioning names is bad but I have no alternative since I need to give example. About two weeks ago the end of relationship of Yuna and Qi together with Remy and Tiz sizzles for days. All the slandering words, comments, debating between the haters and fanatic fans were heard and read. After all the drama, it does quieten down now and I do sincerely hope all of them have move on and wish them success in their life and career.

I catch up few minutes of my quiet hours; suddenly my eyes catch a book on the rack about personality. What a co-incidence, since a friend call yesterday and we were actually gossiping a bit about what’s going on in the local entertainment industry. We were exchanging notes about our local talent which a small number of them full of negative gossip even though their acting skills or singing is phenomenal. Another small group belongs to not so amazingly with talent but their faces often on the screen due to their clean image or personality. As people say, whatever they do behind the wall or curtain is their life but when they are in public they portray a good image and being love by all with their smiles and good vibes. Negative gossip about them hardly heard. I am sure nobody knows how they lead their lives but this group of celebrities are careful with their personal lives in order to remain long in the industry. I think we must accept the truth behind this “gossip sells” especially the negatives and we will attracted to read it every time. We are not being honest with ourselves if we denied this fact. As a public figure particularly celebrities and more over in Malaysia which the numbers are small, each steps, each movement, each behaviour, etc being watched and scrutinize by many. The hungry gossip column reporter just waiting for their opportune time to disclosed anything they know and knew. Whenever gossip hits the column the celebrities will come forward to give their statements as defending themselves which after long many of their fans getting bored with all the excuses.

I am sure as a general public we need to have a good personality too for us to succeed. It has been life motto for long and is very important characteristic. Many motivation speakers will emphasize on this one word “PERSONALITY’. Personality can be build by learning few skills in our daily life. This is not because of having money or position. This is actually lacking in our society and when someone or group trying to deal with this most of us will be in denial because we love to say “this is my life so I will lead my way and you lead yours”.

Among quotes from an actress I found this two from Mae West what is personality is all about. Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.
Mae West

Personality is the most important thing to an actress’s success.
Mae West

Mae Jane West born (August 17, 1893 – November 22, 1980),known as Mae West, was an American actress, playwright, screenwriter and sex symbol whose entertainment career spanned for seven decades. If she laid emphasis on personality I am sure she feels responsible towards it as an actress and she survived in the industry. Don’t you think she’s right on personality?
As far as personality goes it is not plastic, unless we want to look at it as plastic faces and act. Through my reading about personalities and observation, it is a skill for us to learn and adapt. It is how we bring our image to another person. In another word it is first impression. People more often than not; judge another human being on their first meeting. According to few the first 10 minutes of introduction is a good way to impress the other party about ourselves. We usually found this or need this during job interviews. The body language while talking to people or the interviewer, the eye contact, face expression, confident level, dressing, sitting and standing position and many more being observed and being the ticket for us to secure the job and position. Do you agree?

According to Mae West “personality is the most important thing to an actress success” and her career spanned in the industry for seven decades is magnificent. During my working years, attending few motivational talks the speaker always emphasis on following the footsteps of successful people and never afraid of failure. This is all about cause and effect because being successful is not easy. We must strive to succeed. Succeed comes with a package of working hard, listen to advice, be humble, learn and keep on learning, don’t be hard-headed and many more good qualities in us needed for success. Will it be any different from what Mae West saying to become an artist? As I see it, all of this is cycle of life. I must agree we are not able to have all but we are able to have the best. The decision is ours and the path is wide open for us to choose and leave a trail.

The negative values in human being are many too. All of us have negative elements which like a build-in mechanism in our body. Since it comes to us in a package during birth and many more input during our grown up years, we will without doubt needed time to overcome and replace the negatives with positives. While in this process we need to adjust ourselves with many things and willing to change progressively. Being a good listener to advices does not mean we must follow each word without thinking. This is a dangerous characteristic if we did not use our mind and thinking capability. Changes are not following blindly and this is part of personality in the making too.

Many of us or all of us have this word in ourselves JEALOUSY. The different of jealousy is what makes us different from others. How we transformed jealousy into success with great personality will bring us to the top. Personality also covered by our religion. Wherever we are or what our believe PERSONALITY is a must for us to adhere. All religion teaches us about cleanliness, punctual, respect ourselves, respect the adults and be a good human being in the society. It is also included our dressing to an event or function. As we are in Malaysia and almost ¾ of the population are Muslim we are not able to run away with rules and regulation in dressing. Few design of evening gown or cocktail dress might trigger the public sensitivity. Over bearing and over revealing will certainly cause the talk of the town for weeks. The designer and the person who wore the dresses might feel it appropriate for the occasion without thinking the fuzz and buzz of others. It is again wrong to ask the public not to judge because the person concerned does not even think about the consequences before wearing them. If the wearer is a public figure and known celebrities, she will not able to stop anyone from talking and commenting. This is because they did not respect themselves but expected to be respected.

In sense of dressing I must say not many understand the description between sexy, revealing, smart casual, classy and clown. Colours are component of our personality as well. Let’s take a look at black. What people in general associates black with the human nature. I am sure nothing is wrong with black as black is formal but if we keep on wearing black even on our festive day, the wearer must be so insecure human being as the Chinese feng shui says it is bad luck.

The interpretation of black in colour is “Black is authoritative and powerful; because black can evoke strong emotions, too much can be overwhelming. Black represents a lack of colour, the primordial void, emptiness. It is a classic colour for clothing, possibly because it makes the wearer appear thinner and more sophisticated”. Black as well have an effect on us physically. In general black will make someone inconspicuous, emptiness and mysterious by evoking a sense of potential and possibility. In general I assume all this as lack of confident and the wearer always hiding behind the colour (details of other colours please do not hesitate to browse the attached website).

If we focus on colours and personality it will definitely gives us a complete range why not many of us wanting to focus on it. Let me bring us back to the issue of celebrities in our local industry; at times I do feel they rather let people critics instead of give a time to observed themselves and make them appreciate their body and mind through sense of dressing and behaviour. Social etiquette is much lacking in our local entertainment industry. Through gossip I’ve learned our celebrities do not truly know to differentiate between excess and less; which less is more. Each time gossip hits the media it is always party, revealing dress, drunk, smoking, cats and dogs fight via social media which each group can be minimise and avoided. I am not saying they are not allowed to attend parties and if they think it is alright to consume the liquor, why not? But again, there is limit to everything. Even in Hollywood we will notice the actors and actress with problems will not be cast in many projects and their problems or issues is more highlighted and not their acting skills and career. It is the same all over and why can’t we take the good and left the bad?

Is it so difficult to cultivate good personalities in us? I always ask this question to my junior colleagues. Another perception of personalities is expensive clothes, designer’s item and must have tons of money. That is bimbo definition of personalities, my dear ladies.

Again and again our local artist making the same mistakes and I sincerely feel it is time for all involves attending etiquette school on how to talk, how to dress, how to stay away from negatives issues and many more. As an artist and celebrities, actors and actresses it is even essential to know your designers for clothing. Learn and acquire skills of knowing “less is more”.

I always admire Aisyawarya Rai, Kareen Kapoor, Pretty Zinta and many more Bollywood actress in their saree for award presentation. Without doubt the saree has gone through many changes but they still adorn themselves in this traditional costume. They really look sexy with the vibrant colours against their skin. Simple and elegant with moderate revealing and furthermore it is their traditional costume. Can we beat it?

Another favourite foreign actress of mine is Zhang Xi Yi who acted in Memoirs of a Geisha (her complete biography and profile: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zhang_Ziyi) She started studying dancing at the tender age of 8 and later she joined Beijing Dance Academy by her parents suggestion at the age of 11. I do believe Zhang build her personalities from her dance classes at early age. I am sure Zhang faced with ups and downs of the entertainment world but with determination plus strong personalities and good rapport she is much sought after actress in this era.

So, what takes us to build a personality? Is it the family name we carry? Is it wealth? Is it paper qualification with degree, masters and master degree? Is it just purely humble and truthful to our own self? Without a doubt the personal attribute to a good personality comes with good heart, true, honest and sincere and leading life without any prejudice. As this old saying goes…”the perfect beauty comes from the heart”.

A thought by : Sanaa 14/10/12

http://www.sensationalcolor.com/color-meaning-symbolism-and-psychology/

Mampukah kita….

Kisah-kisah masyarakat masih mengisi sebahagian ruang akhbar tempatan kita. Ini semua adalah kisah benar yang adakalanya amat susah untuk kita percaya dan terima. Akan tetapi andai ia tidak terjadi dan berlaku mana mungkin petikan berita dapat dimuatkan. Kisah masyarakat bukanlah hidangan gosip di dunia hiburan, namun begitu ada juga gosip yang nyata dan memalukan golongan artis tidak kiralah mereka melakukannya ataupun tidak.

Sesetengah lapuran dibuat hanya untuk mencari publisiti dan publisiti murahan dipanggil orang. Ada juga sesetengah lapuran dikeluarkan tatkala mendengar dari mulut orang lain tanpa ada bukti sahih dan nyata dan ada juga lapuran dibuat berdasarkan sedikit bukti lalu diperbesar-besarkan.

Terlalu banyak yang berlaku disekeliling kita dan terlalu banyak sebenarnya kejadian yang rapat dengan diri kita akan tetapi entah kenapa gosip dunia hiburan masih lagi menjadi “buruan” saya. Mungkin kerana cerita mereka ini senang ditulis ataupun ghairahnya saya membaca tentang segala gosip yang ada.

Siapa tidak kenal dengan Rihanna dan bekas kekasihnya Chris Brown? Tentu ramai yang mengenali nama dua artis terkenal ini. Kisah mereka menjadi sebutan apabila keduanya tidak menghadirkan diri dalam salah satu anugerah di Hollywood beberapa tahun dahulu. Seingat saya semasa siaran berlangsung sudah ada berita mengatakan ketidak hadiran Rihanna kerana beliau dipukul teruk oleh Chris sehingga menyebabkan kecederaan ke atas dirinya. Sejurus selepas itu kisah mereka tersiar di ruangan hiburan serta laman web sosial yang lain. Tidak mengikuti kisah mereka selepas itu, cuma yang saya ketahui Rihanna di wawancara oleh Oprah Winfrey dan dinasihatkan juga supaya Rihanna meninggalkan Chris masa itu. Sesiapa saja dalam keadaan yang begitu pasti akan memberi nasihat yang serupa kepada Rihanna bukan saja Oprah.

Di dalam dunia hiburan tempatan, saya hanya mendengar kisah Ayu Mahyuni yang ditampar suami atau bergaduh hingga bergelut (kurang pasti). Sehari dua yang lalu terbaca “headline” di murai.com yang mengatakan Ayu Mahyuni dan suami kini bahagia selepas kejadian dulu (lebih kurang macam tu lah). Perkara yang sama juga pernah menghimpit Remy Ishak dengan Ummi Nazeera di tahun yang sama Rihanna dan Chris mencetus keadaan. Gambar Ummi Nazeera yang cedera di muka menghiasi akhbar-akhbar tempatan. Sememangnya dunia hiburan terkejut dengan kejadian itu. Saya telah menulis perkara ini berulang kali dan apabila sekali lagi perkara yang sama cuba digosipkan dan senyap begitu saja membuat saya berfikir berkali-kali. Betulkah Remy memukul Tiz sehingga terlerainya ikatan kasih mereka?

Apabila membaca keratan akhbar Oprah dan Rihanna di mstar.online hari ini saya amat tertarik dengan pendekatan yang diambil Oprah dan juga Rihanna. Sebelum itu semasa kejadian lapuran polis dibuat dan Chris dihadapkan ke mahkamah lalu hukuman dijatuhkan ke atas Chris. Setelah tiga tahun berlalu, Oprah dan Rihanna duduk berbual secara terbuka dari hati ke hati dan petikan ini membuat saya bertanya…apakah mampu kita menjadi seperti mereka?

“Saya berpendapat jika Rihanna sudah bersedia untuk kembali kepada Chris dan membantunya berdepan dengan masalah yang dihadapinya mengapa tidak?

“Saya tidak berhak untuk menilai apa yang terbaik buat mereka dan jika itu pilihan mereka saya hanya perlu menyokong,” katanya. OPRAH WINFREY

Fikiran saya terus kembali kepada gosip yang bertiup yang tidak berapa kencang terhadap Remy dan Tiz. Remy memang sentiasa dilabelkan dengan sikap panas baran sejak dahulu lagi. Ketika putik-putik cinta mula bertunas di hati Remy dan Tiz banyak juga saya terbaca di ruangan gosip dan diberikan cerita tentang perkara ini. Betapa gusarnya hati peminat-peminat Tiz ketika itu, bimbang kiranya sikap panas baran Remy itu nanti akan mencederakan Tiz. Maklumlah kata mereka, Tiz tu putih gebu kalau kena tamparan Remy tentu berhari-hari nampak kesannya. Ketika itu saya hanya mampu membaca dan mendengar kerana saya yakinkan diri bahawa saya tidak mengenali Remy dan Tiz secara peribadi. Pengetahuan saya hanya melalui cerita-cerita orang dan juga ruangan gosip yang sering berkicau riang tentang keburukan artis-artis tanahair.

Sebagai manusia biasa dan menjadi pengikut Remy dan Tiz serta menjadikan mereka sumber inspirasi saya untuk terus menulis, saya akui amatlah payah untuk tidak berat sebelah. Adakalanya cerita yang datang begitu menghantui. Keburukan dicerita sehingga mampu membuat fikiran menyakini itulah yang benar dan yang sebenar-benarnya terjadi. Puas saya tepis, puas saya halang namun saya juga seorang manusia yang tidak pernah lari dari melakukan kesilapan dan dalam kesilapan itu membuat saya berfikir lalu menterjemahkan keadaan dalam dunia realiti.

Daripada artikel yang terdahulu, saya ada menyebut bahawa “domestic violence” ini memang jarang dilapurkan. Terlalu banyak sebab kenapa ia tidak dilapurkan. Salah satu sebabnya adalah malu membuka pekung di dada dan juga aib seseorang. Alasan yang seterusnya demi anak-anak dan keluarga ataupun cinta yang tiada bertepi. Akan tetapi apabila tiba ke satu peringkat yang tidak mungkin dibendung lagi mangsa deraan akan mencari jalan keluar walaupun amat payah dan perit. Sesetengah kejadian melibatkan kematian. Sememangnya tidak ramai yang berani ke hadapan dengan kes begini.

Sekali lagi saya bertanya… “betul kah” apabila gosip pukul dikeluarkan terhadap Remy dan Tiz kerana tiada lapuran dibuat dan Tiz juga pernah menyangkal berita tersebut. Gosip itu surut dgn sendirinya. Membaca wawancara Oprah dan Rihanna membuat saya teruja kerana di barat mereka mampu menghadapi dunia realiti ini walaupun mereka adalah golongan selebriti yang amat dikenali dan dikagumi. Walaupun Oprah pernah menasihati Rihanna supaya meninggalkan Chris kerana kebiasaannya si pemukul akan mengulangi lagi perbuatan mereka. Akan tetapi setelah 3 tahun berlalu, Oprah menyerahkan segala keputusan kepada Rihanna dan menganggap ini adalah tindakan yang baik andainya Rihanna sudah bersedia untuk menerima Chris kembali.

Pertanyaan demi pertanyaan datang dan pergi cuma satu yang masih berlegar di dalam fikiran saya…mampukah kita menjadi seperti mereka? Saya akan tetap dan terus katakan bahawa “domestic violence” adalah perkara yang amat serius dan tidak patut didiamkan dan andainya saya berbalik kembali kepada Remy Ishak, selama mana jejaka ini mampu membiarkan cerita tersebut melingkari hidupnya? Andainya ini pula kebenaran selama mana Remy mampu bertahan dan menyembunyikan kebenaran? Ini adalah realiti dan seorang seperti saya akan terus diselaputi oleh pertanyaan-pertanyaan tentang sahih dan benarnya tohmahan ini.

Sekali lagi saya memetik kata-kata Oprah dalam wawancara ini….“PENGACARA terkenal Oprah Winfery menyokong sekiranya penyanyi Rihanna ingin kembali ke pangkuan bekas kekasihnya, Chris Brown.

Oprah, 58, berkata, dia tidak melihat perkara itu sebagai satu masalah sebaliknya memberitahu ia adalah sesuatu berita baik.”

Persoalannya sekarang apakah kita mampu menjadi seperti mereka? Mengakui kesilapan dan sama-sama membantu mencari jalan dan penawar mengatasi masalah ini. Ini adalah masalah sosial, sebagai masyarakat kita patut membantu di mana perlu atau memberi sokongan bukan dengan sindiran, berdiam diri ataupun membuat spekulasi. Saya juga berpendapat apabila kita membantu mereka yang memerlukan ini bermakna kita telah menunjukan sikap prihatin dan kasih sesama manusia. Menghina dan menindas tidak membawa kita kemana-mana lebih-lebih apabila kita membiarkan mereka menderita dalam dunia mereka sendiri.

Bantulah mereka…

A thought by : Sanaa 08/10/12

P/S: To Bro Atan…may i have the facts on unreported domestic violence and why? If you may help me about depression too (i mean the reported cases). Thanks for your kind help.

*****

Isnin Oktober 8, 2012

Oprah Sokong Rihanna Kembali Kepada Chris Brown

Rihanna ketika ditemubual oleh Oprah semasa program Oprah’s Next Chapter baru-baru ini.

PENGACARA terkenal Oprah Winfery menyokong sekiranya penyanyi Rihanna ingin kembali ke pangkuan bekas kekasihnya, Chris Brown.

Oprah, 58, berkata, dia tidak melihat perkara itu sebagai satu masalah sebaliknya memberitahu ia adalah sesuatu berita baik.

“Saya berpendapat jika Rihanna sudah bersedia untuk kembali kepada Chris dan membantunya berdepan dengan masalah yang dihadapinya mengapa tidak?

“Saya tidak berhak untuk menilai apa yang terbaik buat mereka dan jika itu pilihan mereka saya hanya perlu menyokong,” katanya.

Chris Brown telah memukul Rihanna pada tahun 2009 sehingga telah menyebabkan kecederaan kepada penyanyi itu.

Rihanna sebelum ini mengakui masih mencintai Chris walaupun telah dibelasah teruk oleh bekas teman lelakinya itu ketika mereka masih bersama pada tahun 2009.

Penyanyi lalu Umbrella itu membuat pengakuan tersebut semasa ditemubual oleh Oprah dalam program Oprah’s Next Chapter.

Dalam pada itu, Oprah berkata, perkara terbaik semasa temubual itu adalah Rihanna tidak takut untuk menyatakan apa yang terbuku di dalam hatinya.

“Dia bersetuju untuk ditemubual dengan hati yang terbuka dan paling penting dia telah memaafkan Chris atas perbuatannya,” ujarnya.

sources : mstar online

Know Yourself…Help Them…Depression Kills

Lately there are many incidences throughout the world been reported on killing and random shooting in public. Why this happen? Many cases been reported and the findings of the issues is mental related disorder or its starts with depression.

In Hollywood there are many reported cases of depressions leading to committing suicide by taking overdose drugs and alcohol. The recent reports and still fresh in our memories are the late Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston. They are the huge name in the entertainment industries, million copies of record sold, they are famous, they are rich, so what is lacking is their life?

What is depression and what causes them?

From my readings depression starts with small issues which a person feel a burden to themselves and their incapability to deal with it. The common depression issues is work related, family and relationship. Depression starts small and will become a mental and health problem if not treated. Depression sufferers various from one problem to the other and the healing process and knowing the roots of the problem is very essential.

If a person known with childhood or upbringing problem, someone close to them are able to define it and should allow them to help. The main issue of stopping any help is the sufferers itself. They refused to admit the problem and normally lead to arguments. Once the situation continues it might lead to suicidal behaviour.

I do think people depressed each day due to the pressure of their surrounding. Only few with really positive thinking and happy-go-lucky people survived in this world of demand. The cause of depression mainly comes from families, friends and work colleague and environment. The expectations from one person to another may lead to depression too. Basically this happens in a relationship either between husband and wife and their families and building a relationship between a man and a woman.

Early detection of depression behaviour of any sufferers might prevent them into refuge. The symptom in depression sufferer is lack of energy, being alone, stop doing what they love to do and etc. It is beneficial for the depression sufferers to admit and accept that they need help. The process will be complicated if the sufferers refused to admit and accept help and it might lead to a deeper depression and commit suicide.

Below there are 3 articles about depression. I sincerely hope we are able to read every single line of the article and help others. Our assistant to the depression sufferers might be small but it will be beneficial. Please do not hide them…help them although the perception of our community is as such by saying any depression sufferers are mentally ill. Yes, no doubt it will lead to that but early detection and help will definitely help their futures. Please do remember, depression happens in a child too.

Don’t you want to know why?

It is time for our society admit depression is an illness affecting us. It is not just you and me but global. Be a friend and sincere friend to them by giving our helping hand. Minimize depression and give hope to a new life.

Sanaa 02/10/12

Keynotes:

Depression in men

Depression is a loaded word in our culture. Many associate it, however wrongly, with a sign of weakness and excessive emotion. This is especially true with men. Depressed men are less likely than women to acknowledge feelings of self-loathing and hopelessness. Instead, they tend to complain about fatigue, irritability, sleep problems, and loss of interest in work and hobbies. Other signs and symptoms of depression in men include anger, aggression, violence, reckless behavior, and substance abuse. Even though depression rates for women are twice as high as those in men, men are a higher suicide risk, especially older men.

Depression in women

Rates of depression in women are twice as high as they are in men. This is due in part to hormonal factors, particularly when it comes to premenstrual syndrome (PMS), premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), postpartum depression, and perimenopausal depression. As for signs and symptoms, women are more likely than men to experience pronounced feelings of guilt, sleep excessively, overeat, and gain weight. Women are also more likely to suffer from seasonal affective disorder.

Causes and risk factors for depression

Loneliness
Lack of social support
Recent stressful life experiences
Family history of depression
Marital or relationship problems
Financial strain
Early childhood trauma or abuse
Alcohol or drug abuse
Unemployment or underemployment
Health problems or chronic pain

Compiled by : Sanaa 02/10/12

*****

Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods.

True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer.

Causes, incidence, and risk factors

The exact cause of depression is not known. Many researchers believe it is caused by chemical changes in the brain. This may be due to a problem with your genes, or triggered by certain stressful events. More likely, it’s a combination of both.

Some types of depression run in families. But depression can also occur if you have no family history of the illness. Anyone can develop depression, even kids.

The following may play a role in depression:

Alcohol or drug abuse

Certain medical conditions, including under active thyroid, cancer, or long-term pain

Certain medications such as steroids

Sleeping problems

Stressful life events, such as:

Breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend

Failing a class

Death or illness of someone close to you

Divorce

Childhood abuse or neglect

Job loss

Social isolation (common in the elderly)

Symptoms

Depression can change or distort the way you see yourself, your life, and those around you.

People who have depression usually see everything with a more negative attitude. They cannot imagine that any problem or situation can be solved in a positive way.

Symptoms of depression can include:

Agitation, restlessness, and irritability

Becoming withdrawn or isolated

Difficulty concentrating

Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss

Fatigue and lack of energy

Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness

Feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and guilt

Loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed

Thoughts of death or suicide

Trouble sleeping or too much sleeping

Depression can appear as anger and discouragement, and not feelings of sadness.

If depression is very severe, there may also be psychotic symptoms, such as hallucinations and delusions.

Signs and tests

Your health care provider will ask questions about your medical history and symptoms. Your answers and certain questionnaires can help your doctor diagnose depression and decide how severe it may be.

Blood and urine tests may be done to rule out other medical conditions with symptoms similar to depression.

Treatment

In general, treatments for depression include:

Medications called antidepressants

Talk therapy, called psychotherapy

If you have mild depression, you may only need one of these treatments. People with more severe depression usually need a combination of both treatments. It takes time to feel better, but there are usually day-to-day improvements.

If you are suicidal or extremely depressed and cannot function you may need to be treated in a psychiatric hospital.

MEDICATIONS FOR DEPRESSION

Drugs used to treat depression are called antidepressants. Common types of antidepressants include:

Selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs), including fluoxetine (Prozac), sertraline (Zoloft), paroxetine (Paxil), fluvoxamine (Luvox), citalopram (Celexa), and escitalopram (Lexapro).

Serotonin norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), including desvenlafaxine (Pristiq), venlafaxine (Effexor), and duloxetine (Cymbalta).

Other medicines used to treat depression include:

Tricyclic antidepressants

Bupropion (Wellbutrin)

Monoamine oxidase inhibitors

If you have delusions or hallucinations, your doctor may prescribe other medications.

WARNING: Children, adolescents, and young adults should be watched more closely for suicidal behavior, especially during the first few months after starting medications.

If you do not feel better with antidepressants and talk therapy, you may have treatment-resistant depression. Your doctor will often prescribe higher (but still safe) doses of an antidepressant, or a combination of medications. Lithium (or other mood stabilizers) and thyroid hormone supplements also may be added to help the antidepressants work better.

St. John’s wort is an herb sold without a prescription. It may help some people with mild depression. However, it can change the way other medicines work in your body, including antidepressants and birth control pills. Talk to your doctor before trying this herb.

CHANGES IN MEDICATIONS

Sometimes, medications that you take for another health problem can cause or worsen depression. Talk to your doctor about all the medicines you take. Your doctor may recommend changing your dose or switching to another drug. Never stop taking your medications without first talking to your doctor.

Women being treated for depression who are pregnant or thinking about becoming pregnant should not stop taking antidepressants without first talking to their doctor.

TALK THERAPY

Talk therapy is counseling to talk about your feelings and thoughts, and help you learn how to deal with them.

Types of talk therapy include:

Cognitive behavioral therapy teaches you how to fight off negative thoughts. You will learn how to become more aware of your symptoms and how to spot things that make your depression worse. You’ll also be taught problem-solving skills.

Psychotherapy can help you understand the issues that may be behind your thoughts and feelings.

Joining a support group of people who are sharing problems like yours can also help. Ask your therapist or doctor for a recommendation.

OTHER TREATMENTS FOR DEPRESSION

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is the single most effective treatment for severe depression and it is generally safe. ECT may improve mood in people with severe depression or suicidal thoughts who don’t get better with other treatments. It may also help treat depression in those who have psychotic symptoms.

Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) uses pulses of energy to stimulate nerve cells in the brain that are believe to affect mood. There is some research to suggest that it can help relieve depression.

Light therapy may relieve depression symptoms in the winter time. However, it is usually not considered a first-line treatment.

Support Groups

You can often ease the stress of illness by joining a support group whose members share common experiences and problems.

Expectations (prognosis)

Some people with major depression may feel better after taking antidepressants for a few weeks. However, many people need to take the medicine for 4 – 9 months to fully feel better and prevent the depression from returning.

People who have repeated episodes of depression may need quick and ongoing treatment to prevent more severe, long-term depression. Sometimes people will need to stay on medications for long periods of time.

Complications

People who are depressed are more likely to use alcohol or illegal substances.

Complications of depression also include:

Increased risk of health problems

Suicide

Calling your health care provider

If you have thoughts of suicide or harming yourself or others, immediately call your local emergency number (such as 911) or go to the hospital emergency room.

You may also call a suicide hotline from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-999-9999.

Call your doctor right away if:

You hear voices that are not there.

You have frequent crying spells with little or no reason.

Your depression is disrupting work, school, or family life.

You think that your current medications are not working or are causing side effects. Never change or stop any medications without first talking to your doctor.

Prevention

Do not drink alcohol or use illegal drugs. These substances can make depression worse and might lead to thoughts of suicide.

Take your medication exactly as your doctor instructed. Ask your doctor about the possible side effects and what you should do if you have any. Learn to recognize the early signs that your depression is getting worse.

The following tips might help you feel better:

Get more exercise

Maintain good sleep habits

Seek out activities that bring you pleasure

Volunteer or get involved in group activities

Talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling

Try to be around people who are caring and positive

*****

Dealing with Depression
SELF-HELP AND COPING TIPS

Depression drains your energy, hope, and drive, making it difficult to do what you need to feel better. But while overcoming depression isn’t quick or easy, it’s far from impossible. You can’t beat it through sheer willpower, but you do have some control—even if your depression is severe and stubbornly persistent. The key is to start small and build from there. Feeling better takes time, but you can get there if you make positive choices for yourself each day.

IN THIS ARTICLE:
The road to recovery
Supportive relationships
Negative thinking
Taking care of yourself
Exercise
Healthy diet
Getting extra help

The road to depression recovery

Recovering from depression requires action. But taking action when you’re depressed is hard. In fact, just thinking about the things you should do to feel better, like going for a walk or spending time with friends, can be exhausting.

It’s the Catch-22 of depression recovery. The things that help the most are the things that are most difficult to do. But there’s a difference between difficult and impossible.

Start small and stay focused

The key to depression recovery is to start with a few small goals and slowly build from there. Draw upon whatever resources you have. You may not have much energy, but you probably have enough to take a short walk around the block or pick up the phone to call a loved one.

Take things one day at a time and reward yourself for each accomplishment. The steps may seem small, but they’ll quickly add up. And for all the energy you put in to your depression recovery, you’ll get back much more in return.

Depression self-help tip 1: Cultivate supportive relationships

Getting the support you need plays a big role in lifting the fog of depression and keeping it away. On your own, it can be difficult to maintain perspective and sustain the effort required to beat depression. But the very nature of depression makes it difficult to reach out for help. However, isolation and loneliness make depression even worse, so maintaining your close relationships and social activities are important.

The thought of reaching out to even close family members and friends can seem overwhelming. You may feel ashamed, too exhausted to talk, or guilty for neglecting the relationship. Remind yourself that this is the depression talking. You loved ones care about you and want to help.

Turn to trusted friends and family members. Share what you’re going through with the people you love and trust. Ask for the help and support you need. You may have retreated from your most treasured relationships, but they can get you through this tough time.

Try to keep up with social activities even if you don’t feel like it. When you’re depressed, it feels more comfortable to retreat into your shell. But being around other people will make you feel less depressed.
Join a support group for depression. Being with others who are dealing with depression can go a long way in reducing your sense of isolation. You can also encourage each other, give and receive advice on how to cope, and share your experiences.

10 tips for reaching out and building relationships

Talk to one person about your feelings.
Help someone else by volunteering.
Have lunch or coffee with a friend.
Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly.
Accompany someone to the movies, a concert, or a small get-together.
Call or email an old friend.
Go for a walk with a workout buddy.
Schedule a weekly dinner date.
Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club.
Confide in a counselor, therapist, or clergy member.
Depression self-help tip 2: Challenge negative thinking
Learn about hidden sources of depression

Roadblocks to awareness

Depression puts a negative spin on everything, including the way you see yourself, the situations you encounter, and your expectations for the future.

But you can’t break out of this pessimistic mind frame by “just thinking positive.” Happy thoughts or wishful thinking won’t cut it. Rather, the trick is to replace negative thoughts with more balanced thoughts.

Ways to challenge negative thinking:

Think outside yourself. Ask yourself if you’d say what you’re thinking about yourself to someone else. If not, stop being so hard on yourself. Think about less harsh statements that offer more realistic descriptions.
Allow yourself to be less than perfect. Many depressed people are perfectionists, holding themselves to impossibly high standards and then beating themselves up when they fail to meet them. Battle this source of self-imposed stress by challenging your negative ways of thinking

Socialize with positive people. Notice how people who always look on the bright side deal with challenges, even minor ones, like not being able to find a parking space. Then consider how you would react in the same situation. Even if you have to pretend, try to adopt their optimism and persistence in the face of difficulty.
Keep a “negative thought log.” Whenever you experience a negative thought, jot down the thought and what triggered it in a notebook. Review your log when you’re in a good mood. Consider if the negativity was truly warranted. Ask yourself if there’s another way to view the situation. For example, let’s say your boyfriend was short with you and you automatically assumed that the relationship was in trouble. But maybe he’s just having a bad day.

Types of negative thinking that add to depression

All-or-nothing thinking – Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground (“If I fall short of perfection, I’m a total failure.”)

Overgeneralization – Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever (“I can’t do anything right.”)

The mental filter – Ignoring positive events and focusing on the negative. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.

Diminishing the positive – Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count (“She said she had a good time on our date, but I think she was just being nice.”)

Jumping to conclusions – Making negative interpretations without real evidence. You act like a mind reader (“He must think I’m pathetic.”) or a fortune teller (“I’ll be stuck in this dead end job forever.”)
Emotional reasoning – Believing that the way you feel reflects reality (“I feel like such a loser. I really am no good!”)

‘Shoulds’ and ‘should-nots’- Holding yourself to a strict list of what you should and shouldn’t do, and beating yourself up if you don’t live up to your rules.

Labeling – Labeling yourself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings (“I’m a failure; an idiot; a loser.”)
Depression self-help tip 3: Take care of yourself

In order to overcome depression, you have to take care of yourself. This includes following a healthy lifestyle, learning to manage stress, setting limits on what you’re able to do, adopting healthy habits, and scheduling fun activities into your day.

Aim for 8 hours of sleep. Depression typically involves sleep problems. Whether you’re sleeping too little or too much, your mood suffers. Get on a better sleep schedule by learning healthy sleep habits.
Expose yourself to a little sunlight every day. Lack of sunlight can make depression worse. Make sure you’re getting enough. Take a short walk outdoors, have your coffee outside, enjoy an al fresco meal, people-watch on a park bench, or sit out in the garden.

Keep stress in check. Not only does stress prolong and worsen depression, but it can also trigger it. Figure out all the things in your life that are stressing you out. Examples include: work overload, unsupportive relationships, taking on too much, or health problems. Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can make a plan to avoid them or minimize their impact.

Practice relaxation techniques. A daily relaxation practice can help relieve symptoms of depression, reduce stress, and boost feelings of joy and well-being. Try yoga, deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation.

Care for a pet. While nothing can replace the human connection, pets can bring joy and companionship into your life and help you feel less isolated. Caring for a pet can also get you outside of yourself and you a sense of being needed—both powerful antidotes to depression.

Do things you enjoy (or used to)

While you can’t force yourself to have fun or experience pleasure, you can choose to do things that you used to enjoy. Pick up a former hobby or a sport you used to like. Express yourself creatively through music, art, or writing. Go out with friends. Take a day trip to a museum, the mountains, or the ballpark.

Push yourself to do things, even when you don’t feel like it. You might be surprised at how much better you feel once you’re out in the world. Even if your depression doesn’t lift immediately, you’ll gradually feel more upbeat and energetic as you make time for fun activities.

Develop a wellness toolbox

Come up with a list of things that you can do for a quick mood boost. Include any strategies, activities, or skills that have helped in the past. The more “tools” for coping with depression, the better. Try and make a few of these ideas each day, even if you’re feeling good.

Spend some time in nature
List what you like about yourself
Read a good book
Watch a funny movie or TV show
Take a long, hot bath
Take care of a few small tasks
Play with a pet
Write in your journal
Listen to music
Do something spontaneous

Depression self-help tip 4: Get regular exercise

When you’re depressed, exercising may be the last thing you feel like doing. But exercise is a powerful tool for dealing with depression. In fact, studies show that regular exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication at increasing energy levels and decreasing feelings of fatigue.

Scientists haven’t figured out exactly why exercise is such a potent antidepressant, but evidence suggests that physical activity triggers new cell growth in the brain, increases mood-enhancing neurotransmitters and endorphins, reduces stress, and relieves muscle tension—all things that can have a positive effect on depression.

To get the most benefit, aim for 30 minutes of exercise per day. But you can start small. Short 10-minute bursts of activity can have a positive effect on your mood. Here are a few easy ways to get moving:

Take the stairs and not the elevator
Park your car in the farthest spot in the lot
Take your dog for a walk
Pair up with an exercise partner
Walk while you’re talking on the phone
As a next step, try incorporating walks or some other enjoyable, easy form of exercise into your daily routine. The key is to pick an activity you enjoy, so you’re more likely to keep up with it.

Exercise as an Antidepressant

The following exercise tips offer a powerful prescription for boosting mood:
Exercise now…and again. A 10-minute walk can improve your mood for two hours. The key to sustaining mood benefits is to exercise regularly.

Choose activities that are moderately intense. Aerobic exercise undoubtedly has mental health benefits, but you don’t need to sweat strenuously to see results.

Find exercises that are continuous and rhythmic (and not intermittent). Walking, swimming, dancing, stationery biking, and yoga are good choices.

Add a mind-body element. Activities such as yoga and tai chi rest your mind and pump up your energy. You can also add a meditative element to walking or swimming by repeating a mantra (a word or phrase) as you move.
Start slowly, and don’t overdo it. More isn’t better. Athletes who over train find their moods drop rather than lift.

Depression self-help tip 5: Eat a healthy, mood-boosting diet

What you eat has a direct impact on the way you feel. Aim for a balanced diet of protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.

Don’t skip meals. Going too long between meals can make you feel irritable and tired, so aim to eat something at least every 3-4 hours.

Minimize sugar and refined carbs. You may crave sugary snacks, baked goods, or comfort foods such as pasta or french fries. But these “feel-good” foods quickly lead to a crash in mood and energy.

Focus on complex carbohydrates. Foods such as baked potatoes, whole-wheat pasta, brown rice, oatmeal, whole grain breads, and bananas can boost serotonin levels without a crash.

Boost your B vitamins. Deficiencies in B vitamins such as folic acid and B-12 can trigger depression. To get more, take a B-complex vitamin supplement or eat more citrus fruit, leafy greens, beans, chicken, and eggs.
Consider taking a chromium supplement. Some depression studies show that chromium picolinate reduces carbohydrate cravings, eases mood swings, and boosts energy. Supplementing with chromium picolinate is especially effective for people who tend to overeat and oversleep when depressed.
Omega-3 fatty acids play an essential role in stabilizing mood.
Foods rich in certain omega-3 fats called EPA and DHA can give your mood a big boost. The best sources are fatty fish such as salmon, herring, mackerel, anchovies, sardines, and some cold water fish oil supplements. Canned albacore tuna and lake trout can also be good sources, depending on how the fish were raised and processed.
You may hear a lot about getting your omega-3’s from foods rich in ALA fatty acids. Main sources are vegetable oils and nuts (especially walnuts), flax, soybeans, and tofu. Be aware that our bodies generally convert very little ALA into EPA and DHA, so you may not see as big of a benefit.
Some people avoid seafood because they worry about mercury or other possible toxins. But most experts agree that the benefits of eating 2 servings a week of cold water fatty fish outweigh the risks.
Depression self-help tip 6: Know when to get additional help
If you find your depression getting worse and worse, seek professional help. Needing additional help doesn’t mean you’re weak. Sometimes the negative thinking in depression can make you feel like you’re a lost cause, but depression can be treated and you can feel better!

Don’t forget about these self-help tips, though. Even if you’re receiving professional help, these tips can be part of your treatment plan, speeding your recovery and preventing depression from returning.

*****

Understanding Depression
SIGNS, SYMPTOMS, CAUSES, AND HELP

Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. But when emptiness and despair take hold and won’t go away, it may be depression. The lows of depression make it tough to act and enjoy life like you once did. Just getting through the day can be overwhelming. No matter hopeless you feel, you can get better. But first, you need to understand depression. Learning about depression—including its signs, symptoms, causes, and treatment—is the first step to overcoming the problem.

IN THIS ARTICLE:

What is depression?
Signs and symptoms
Depression and suicide
The faces of depression
Types of depression
Causes and risk factors
The road to depression recovery

What is depression?

We all go through ups and downs in our mood. Sadness is a normal reaction to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness.

Some people describe depression as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. However, some depressed people don’t feel sad at all—they may feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic, or men in particular may even feel angry, aggressive, and restless.

Whatever the symptoms, depression is different from normal sadness in that it engulfs your day-to-day life, interfering with your ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and have fun. The feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness are intense and unrelenting, with little, if any, relief.

Are you depressed?

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.
you can’t sleep or you sleep too much
you can’t concentrate or find that previously easy tasks are now difficult
you feel hopeless and helpless
you can’t control your negative thoughts, no matter how much you try
you have lost your appetite or you can’t stop eating
you are much more irritable, short-tempered, or aggressive than usual
you’re consuming more alcohol than normal or engaging in other reckless behavior
you have thoughts that life is not worth living (Seek help immediately if this is the case)
Signs and symptoms of depression
Depression varies from person to person, but there are some common signs and symptoms. It’s important to remember that these symptoms can be part of life’s normal lows. But the more symptoms you have, the stronger they are, and the longer they’ve lasted—the more likely it is that you’re dealing with depression. When these symptoms are overwhelming and disabling, that’s when it’s time to seek help.

Common signs and symptoms of depression

Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.

Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.

Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).

Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.

Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.

Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.

Reckless behavior. You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.

Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.

Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

Depression and suicide

Depression is a major risk factor for suicide. The deep despair and hopelessness that goes along with depression can make suicide feel like the only way to escape the pain. Thoughts of death or suicide are a serious symptom of depression, so take any suicidal talk or behavior seriously. It’s not just a warning sign that the person is thinking about suicide: it’s a cry for help.

Warning signs of suicide include:

Talking about killing or harming one’s self
Expressing strong feelings of hopelessness or being trapped
An unusual preoccupation with death or dying
Acting recklessly, as if they have a death wish (e.g. speeding through red lights)
Calling or visiting people to say goodbye
Getting affairs in order (giving away prized possessions, tying up loose ends)
Saying things like “Everyone would be better off without me” or “I want out”
A sudden switch from being extremely depressed to acting calm and happy
If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide, express your concern and seek professional help immediately. Talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life!

If You Are Feeling Suicidal…

When you’re feeling extremely depressed or suicidal, problems don’t seem temporary—they seem overwhelming and permanent. But with time, you will feel better, especially if you reach out for help. If you are feeling suicidal, know that there are many people who want to support you during this difficult time, so please reach out for help!

The faces of depression

Depression often looks different in men and women, and in young people and older adults. An awareness of these differences helps ensure that the problem is recognized and treated.

Depression in men

Depression is a loaded word in our culture. Many associate it, however wrongly, with a sign of weakness and excessive emotion. This is especially true with men. Depressed men are less likely than women to acknowledge feelings of self-loathing and hopelessness. Instead, they tend to complain about fatigue, irritability, sleep problems, and loss of interest in work and hobbies. Other signs and symptoms of depression in men include anger, aggression, violence, reckless behavior, and substance abuse. Even though depression rates for women are twice as high as those in men, men are a higher suicide risk, especially older men.

Depression in women

Rates of depression in women are twice as high as they are in men. This is due in part to hormonal factors, particularly when it comes to premenstrual syndrome (PMS), premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), postpartum depression, and perimenopausal depression. As for signs and symptoms, women are more likely than men to experience pronounced feelings of guilt, sleep excessively, overeat, and gain weight. Women are also more likely to suffer from seasonal affective disorder.

Depression in teens

While some depressed teens appear sad, others do not. In fact, irritability—rather than depression—is frequently the predominant symptom in depressed adolescents and teens. A depressed teenager may be hostile, grumpy, or easily lose his or her temper. Unexplained aches and pains are also common symptoms of depression in young people.

Left untreated, teen depression can lead to problems at home and school, drug abuse, self-loathing—even irreversible tragedy such as homicidal violence or suicide. But with help, teenage depression is highly treatable.

Depression in older adults

The difficult changes that many older adults face—such as bereavement, loss of independence, and health problems—can lead to depression, especially in those without a strong support system. However, depression is not a normal part of aging. Older adults tend to complain more about the physical rather than the emotional signs and symptoms of depression, and so the problem often goes unrecognized. Depression in older adults is associated with poor health, a high mortality rate, and an increased risk of suicide, so diagnosis and treatment are extremely important.

Postpartum Depression

Many new mothers suffer from some fleeting form of the “baby blues.” Postpartum depression, in contrast, is a longer lasting and more serious depression triggered, in part, by hormonal changes associated with having a baby. Postpartum depression usually develops soon after delivery, but any depression that occurs within six months of childbirth may be postpartum depression.

Types of depression

Depression comes in many shapes and forms. The different types of depression have unique symptoms, causes, and effects. Knowing what type of depression you have can help you manage your symptoms and get the most effective treatment.

Major depression

Major depression is characterized by the inability to enjoy life and experience pleasure. The symptoms are constant, ranging from moderate to severe. Left untreated, major depression typically lasts for about six months. Some people experience just a single depressive episode in their lifetime, but more commonly, major depression is a recurring disorder. However, there are many things you can do to support your mood and reduce the risk of recurrence.

Dysthymia (recurrent, mild depression)

Dysthmia is a type of chronic “low-grade” depression. More days than not, you feel mildly or moderately depressed, although you may have brief periods of normal mood. The symptoms of dysthymia are not as strong as the symptoms of major depression, but they last a long time (at least two years). These chronic symptoms make it very difficult to live life to the fullest or to remember better times. Some people also experience major depressive episodes on top of dysthymia, a condition known as “double depression.” If you suffer from dysthymia, you may feel like you’ve always been depressed. Or you may think that your continuous low mood is “just the way you are.” However, dysthymia can be treated, even if your symptoms have gone unrecognized or untreated for years.

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

There’s a reason why so many movies and books portray rainy days and stormy weather as gloomy. Some people get depressed in the fall or winter, when overcast days are frequent and sunlight is limited. This type of depression is called seasonal affective disorder (SAD). Seasonal affective disorder is more common in northern climates and in younger people. Like depression, seasonal affective disorder is treatable. Light therapy, a treatment that involves exposure to bright artificial light, often helps relieve symptoms.

Bipolar Disorder: When Depression is Just One Side of the Coin

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic depression, is characterized by cycling mood changes. Episodes of depression alternate with manic episodes, which can include impulsive behavior, hyperactivity, rapid speech, and little to no sleep. Typically, the switch from one mood extreme to the other is gradual, with each manic or depressive episode lasting for at least several weeks. When depressed, a person with bipolar disorder exhibits the usual symptoms of major depression. However, the treatments for bipolar depression are very different. In fact, antidepressants can make bipolar depression worse.

Depression causes and risk factors

Some illnesses have a specific medical cause, making treatment straightforward. If you have diabetes, you take insulin. If you have appendicitis, you have surgery. But depression is more complicated. Depression is not just the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, and is not simply cured with medication. Experts believe that depression is caused by a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors. In other words, your lifestyle choices, relationships, and coping skills matter just as much—if not more so—than genetics. However, certain risk factors make you more vulnerable to depression.

Causes and risk factors for depression
Loneliness
Lack of social support
Recent stressful life experiences
Family history of depression
Marital or relationship problems
Financial strain
Early childhood trauma or abuse
Alcohol or drug abuse
Unemployment or underemployment
Health problems or chronic pain

The cause of your depression helps determine the treatment
Understanding the underlying cause of your depression may help you overcome the problem. For example, if you are depressed because of a dead end job, the best treatment might be finding a more satisfying career, not taking an antidepressant. If you are new to an area and feeling lonely and sad, finding new friends at work or through a hobby will probably give you more of a mood boost than going to therapy. In such cases, the depression is remedied by changing the situation.

The road to depression recovery

Just as the symptoms and causes of depression are different in different people, so are the ways to feel better. What works for one person might not work for another, and no one treatment is appropriate in all cases. If you recognize the signs of depression in yourself or a loved one, take some time to explore the many treatment options. In most cases, the best approach involves a combination of social support, lifestyle changes, emotional skills building, and professional help.

Ask for help and support

If even the thought of tackling your depression seems overwhelming, don’t panic. Feeling helpless and hopeless is a symptom of depression—not the reality of your situation. It does not mean that you’re weak or you can’t change! The key to depression recovery is to start small and ask for help. Having a strong support system in place will speed your recovery. Isolation fuels depression, so reach out to others, even when you feel like being alone. Let your family and friends know what you’re going through and how they can support you.

Make healthy lifestyle changes
Lifestyle changes are not always easy to make, but they can have a big impact on depression. Lifestyle changes that can be very effective include:

Cultivating supportive relationships
Getting regular exercise and sleep
Eating healthfully to naturally boost mood
Managing stress
Practicing relaxation techniques
Challenging negative thought patterns

Build emotional skills
Need Help Building Emotional Skills?
Helpguide’s Bring Your Life into Balance mindfulness toolkit can help.

Many people lack the skills needed to manage stress and balance emotions. Building emotional skills can give you the ability to cope and bounce back from adversity, trauma, and loss. In other words, learning how to recognize and express your emotions can make you more resilient.

Seek professional help

If support from family and friends, positive lifestyle changes, and emotional skills building aren’t enough, seek help from a mental health professional. There are many effective treatments for depression, including therapy, medication, and alternative treatments. Learning about your options will help you decide what measures are most likely to work best for your particular situation and needs.

Are antidepressants right for you?

Medication can help relieve the symptoms of depression in some people, but they aren’t a cure and they come with drawbacks of their own. Learning the facts about antidepressants and weighing the benefits against the risks can help you make an informed and personal decision about whether medication is right for you.
Effective treatment for depression often includes some form of therapy. Therapy gives you tools to treat depression from a variety of angles. Also, what you learn in therapy gives you skills and insight to prevent depression from coming back.

Some types of therapy teach you practical techniques on how to reframe negative thinking and employ behavioral skills in combating depression. Therapy can also help you work through the root of your depression, helping you understand why you feel a certain way, what your triggers are for depression, and what you can do to stay healthy.

Look for the related articles on depression as suggested:-

Depression TreatmentFaces of DepressionSuicide PreventionResources & References
Depression Treatment

Dealing with Depression You can’t beat depression with sheer willpower, but you can make a huge dent with simple lifestyle changes and other coping tips.

Helping a Depressed Person Learn how to avoid becoming depressed yourself while caring for a loved one who is depressed

Depression Treatment Learn about the many effective ways of dealing with depression including therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes.

Antidepressant Medications Make informed and personal decisions by learning the facts and weighing the benefits against the risks.

Compiled by : Sanaa 02/10/12

Terdengar lagi….

Bumi mana yang tidak ditimpa hujan, lautan mana yang tidak bergelombang…itulah putaran hidup kita manusia sehari-hari. Setelah tiga tahun berlalu dan menjadikan kisah mereka sumber inspirasi saya ketika menulis, akhirnya terlerailah satu ikatan kasih di antara dua hati.

Melalui laman twitternya Remy Ishak mengumumkan perpisahan telah berlaku di antaranya dengan Tiz Zaqyah. Dua hari selepas itu kenyataan rasmi dari Remy disiarkan di akhbar tempatan. Kenyataan rasmi Tiz menyusul sehari dua kemudian tanpa banyak mempertikaikan apa yang disebut Remy.

Seperti tebuan membuat sarang ramailah yang keluar berbunyi di laman-laman sosial seperti twitter dan facebook. Saya juga tidak terkecuali. Oleh kerana ramai yang tahu saya mengikuti kisah mereka, menulis serta berangan sejak dahulu lagi, banyak juga pertanyaan yang saya terima. Pertanyaan ini merupakan lebih kepada pendapat atau sekadar bercerita berdasarkan apa yang dibaca. Saya juga terbuai di antara realiti dan fantasi ketika itu. Ketika segala tohmahan dikeluarkan ramai terhadap Tiz dan juga Remy, saya seolah-olah berperang dengan diri sendiri. Mempercayai ataupun tidak apa yang dibaca lalu membuatkan saya salah satu di antara mereka ketika pertanyaan mengasak diri sendiri. Oleh itu saya ambil masa yang lama untuk berfikir dan menerima segala cerita yang datang. Nasihat teman-teman baca boleh percaya jangan adalah di antaranya. Akan tetapi naluri seorang manusia tentu tidak akan puas sehingga ia benar-benar mengetuk fikiran sendiri.

Perkara itu susut dengan sendirinya apabila saya menyedari inilah takdir yang datang dan telah ditentukan. Namun ia tidak menghalang saya untuk terus berangan tentang Remy dan Tiz dalam sebarang tulisan saya. Mereka adalah sumber inspirasi saya sejak awal lagi. Barangkali hikmah disebalik terbuainya saya dalam tohmahan yang dibaca, diterima dan ditafsir adalah pengertian bahawa sesuatu yang indah pasti berakhir. Kenyataan mesti diterima. Tatkala segalanya tenang satu keratan berita dengan tajuk “PUKUL” menjadi punca Remy dan Tiz berpisah membawa saya kembali kepada pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang pernah hadir di tahun 2009. Di ketika itu Remy dituduh melakukan perkara yang sama terhadap Ummi Nazeera, yang di masa itu adalah kekasih Remy. Tiada kes dilapurkan selanjutnya kecuali sehelai surat terbuka yang dikatakan ditulis oleh ibu Ummi Nazeera mengenai perlakuan Remy terhadap anaknya. Setelah itu kes itu senyap sahaja dan mata mula tertumpu kepada pasangan sepadan Nur Kasih ini…”Adam dan Nur” di alam nyata. Itulah ibarat Remy dan Tiz.

Bagaikan menduga bahawa gosip sebegini akan keluar akan tetapi sehingga hari ini tiada berita yang dihebahkan. Pastinya ramai yang masih tercari-cari punca perpisahan Remy dan Tiz kerana tidak berpuas hati yang pasangan ini berpisah akhirnya. Kenyataan Tiz suatu waktu dahulu bahawa Remy menjaganya dengan baik, apabila kes baling telefon dijadikan bahan gosip melenyapkan andaian semua. Akan tetapi apabila perpisahan berlaku pastinya soseh-soseh ini akan kedengaran semula. Saya tidak punya kaitan peribadi dengan Remy ataupun Tiz akan tetapi saya memandang kes pukul ini adalah kes masyarakat. Masyarakat perlu tahu tentang keadaan ini dan seandainya sabit kesalahan si pesalah mesti dihukum. “Domestic Violence” memang jarang dilapurkan oleh kerana sifat malu dan menjaga maruah seseorang dikalangan masyarakat kita lalu menjadikan mangsa tidak dilindungi. Adakalanya mangsa sempat diselamatkan atas budi bicara saudara mara, jiran dan juga rakan-rakan. Berapa ramai yang membawa kes begini ke muka pengadilan? Kenapa ia sering tidak dilapurkan?

Saya tertanya-tanya hingga kini bukti yang mengatakan Remy pernah memukul Ummi Nazeera dan kini sudah kedengaran perkara yang sama berlaku kepada Tiz. Sebaik saja artikel di bawah ini saya baca, pertanyaan pertama yang hadir dalam fikiran saya, kenapa tidak dilapurkan? Adakah kerana Remy dan Tiz hanya pasangan kekasih lalu mahkamah atau peguam tidak mahu ambil kes tersebut? Adakah masalah ini hanya layak dilapurkan oleh pasangan suami isteri sahaja?

Bercerita, mengata, bergosip, menuduh dan menyakiti hati sesama insan adalah tabii yang tidak lekang dari hidup manusia walau di manapun kita berada. Ada juga yang berkata tidak elok mengeluarkan aib orang lain walaupun buruk mana keadaan orang itu. Lalu bagaimana keadilan hendak diperolehi? Pasti ada lebam, luka serta jahitan di mana-mana bahagian badan setiap kali berlaku pertengkaran ganas begini. Berapa ramai yang pergi mendapat rawatan di klinik apabila pendarahan berlaku? Berapa ramai yang mengambil gambar kesan pukulan di anggota badan sebagai bahan bukti? Bercakap dan bercerita tidak akan meleraikan masalah, malahan akan menimbulkan perkara-perkara yang tidak diingini sehingga kepada kematian. Kenapa berdiam diri?

Mengenai “pukul” di antara Remy dan Tiz sehingga kini tiada berita yang saya baca dari Tiz ataupun keluarganya serta rakan karib dan rakan seperjuangan Tiz. Tiz juga tidak mengeluarkan sebarang kenyataan mengenainya. Apakah artikel ini berkata benar? Ini adalah kali kedua perkara sebegini menghimpit Remy. Benar atau tidak saya tidak punyai jawapan pasti. Saya hanya membaca dari laman-laman web dan juga akhbar tempatan serta majalah. Remy pernah berkata bahawa untuk mengenali seseorang perlulah berada dan bergaul dengan orang itu, barulah boleh kita memberi pendapat serta pandangan tentang budi bicara serta perwatakan seseorang.

Apakah Remy menafikan perkara tersebut?

Seperti saya kata awal tadi pukul adalah keganasan dan keganasan mesti dilapurkan dengan bukti sahih dan nyata. Andainya Remy seperti yang dikatakan, saya berharap sangat ia dibawa ke muka pengadilan dan seterusnya untuk Remy mendapat rawatan yang sewajarnya bagi memulihkan diri sendiri untuk kebaikan sendiri. Tidak untuk orang lain. Walaupun kenyataan itu nanti perit buat Remy serta keluarga dan sahabat handai juga peminat untuk menerima, akan tetapi harapan pasti cerah untuk meneruskan perjalanan hidup ini nanti.

Walaupun begitu selagi tiada lapuran bertulis dibuat dan Remy tidak didakwa oleh Tiz Zaqyah kerana berkasar dengan dirinya, saya akan terus menganggap ia hanyalah sebuah cerita untuk menjatuhkan imej seseorang. Untuk ke mahkamah kita semua tahu mereka perlukan bahan bukti dan saya amat berharap ada bukti sahih yang diberikan. Seseorang peguam juga tidak akan masuk ke kamar perbicaraan tanpa persediaan untuk menjatuhkan tuduhan kepada seorang pesalah. Sama ada cerita rekaan, nyata ataupun khayalan kita ada dasar dan undang-undang mempertahankan hak masing-masing.

Sebagai seorang yang sering berkhayal tentang mereka, perpisahan ini adalah satu kesedihan yang belum reda, akan tetapi inilah takdirnya. Semoga dengan perpisahan ini memberikan mereka ruang untuk mengkaji di mana kesilapan diri masing-masing dan membawa keinsafan juga. Apabila bertemu nanti dengan pengganti ia mungkin dapat menjadi sandaran lalu cuba memperbaiki apa yang perlu. Tidak juga kita tahu andainya nanti di suatu persimpangan adanya pertemuan yang telah mendewasakan mereka dalam menghadapi rintangan seterusnya.

Saya masih di sini dengan cerita-cerita yang hadir dalam ilusi. Semoga Remy dan Tiz tabah menjalani kehidupan. Ambilah iktibar dari segala kejadian. Dewasalah dengan pengalaman supaya tiada dendam yang tersimpan. Perjalanan hidup tidak panjang sebenarnya. Kehilangan sehari tiada ganti. Teruskan langkah dengan penuh keikhlasan. Biarkanlah yang berlalu terus berlalu.

A thought by : Sanaa 30/09/12

*****

‘Pukul’ Jadi Punca Tiz & Remy Putus Cinta?

September 28, 2012Remy Ishak,Tiz Zaqyah

Selepas pelakon lelaki, Remy Ishak mengumumkan hubungan cintanya dengan pelakon wanita, Tiz Zaqyah sudah putus sejak tiga bulan yang lalu, pastinya akan ada pihak-pihak yang cuba mengorek punca perpisahan itu terjadi.

Tiz sudah awal-awal lagi enggan memberikan sebarang komen mengenai berakhirnya hubungan mereka.

Katanya, keadaan itu akan membuatkan dirinya lemas dan terganggu.

Yang diberikan perhatian hingga kini adalah Remy.

Benarkah hubungan cinta mereka berakhir kerana Remy cepat naik tangan atau suka memukul Tiz?

Maklumlah, dalam hubungan Remy sebelum ini dengan pelakon wanita muda, Ummi Nazeera juga berakhir selepas Remy didakwa telah memukul Ummi.

Menerusi laman Buahmulut.com, Remy sudah tidak mahu punca perpisahannya dengan Tiz dibangkitkan lagi.

Katanya, mereka berpisah adalah secara baik selepas berbincang dan puncanya biarlah mereka berdua sahaja yang tahu.

“Saya rasa pun tak ada apa yang hendak dijelaskan lagi dah. Memang hubungan kami sampai disitu sahaja dan perpisahan ini adalah keputusan kami bersama.

“Tentang punca sebab perkara ini berlaku biarlah kami sahaja yang tahu,” kata Remy.

Jelas Remy lagi, dia mendedahkan hubungan mereka yang sudah berakhir kerana tidak mahu keadaan antara dia dan Tiz menjadi parah di kemudian hari.

Sekiranya dia masih berdiam diri, pastinya akan ada pihak-pihak tertentu yang mudah membuat spekulasi negatif tentang diri mereka.

“Saya sebenarnya tak nak suatu hari nanti ianya jadi lebih parah. Maksud saya tak mahu diam terlalu lama dalam hal ini.

“Andai kata nanti dia (Tiz) dengan orang lain, saya pun dengan orang lain ianya akan jadi lebih parah dan lagilah orang akan mula buat pelbagai spekulasi yang dasat. Jadi sebab itu saya buka mulut pada ketika ini supaya orang faham situasi semasa,” katanya.

Oleh: NAIMAH SHAARI

****
Isu Ditampar Remy Ishak: Tiz Zaqyah Sangkal Dakwaan Wartawan?

July 2, 2012 Remy Ishak, Tiz Zaqyah

Sebelum ini, ada cerita kurang enak yang timbul mengenai hubungan cinta antara sepasang pelakon, Remy Ishak dan Tiz Zaqyah apabila Tiz dikatakan tidak mengambil tahu perihal diri Remy ketika dia dimasukkan ke wad hospital kerana sakit.

Cerita itu timbul berpunca dari kenyataan yang dikeluarkan oleh Remy di lama sosial Twitternya.

Ramai juga pihak yang inginkan kenyataan balas dari Remy dan Tiz berhubung isu itu.

Tetapi, kedua-dua pelakon itu mengambil pendekatan dengan enggan memberikan sebarang komen. Kiranya, ingin meletakkan isu itu sebagai biarlah rahsia.

Terbaru, timbul lagi cerita yang tidak berapa elok.

Seorang wartawan hiburan telah menulis kenyataan tentang ‘kejadian’ yang telah menimpa ke atas diri Tiz.

Tulis wartawan itu dalam beritanya, Tiz telah ditampar di mukanya kerana Remy naik angin dengan sikapnya.

Malah, Tiz juga dikatakan sudah tidak tahan dengan sikap Remy yang panas baran.

Betulkah cerita itu atau hanya sekadar rekaan?

Yang pasti, Tiz telah memuat naik status di laman Facebooknya dengan menegaskan perkataan THINK.

“SALAM, TO THOSE RESPONSIBLE OF SPREADING UNCERTAINTY AND JUDGING OTHERS, PLEASE THINK TWICE AND THINK OF OTHERS AROUND.THINK.THINK.

“FIKIR-FIKIR FIKIR….JANGAN SAMPAI KENA BATANG HIDUNG SENDIRI WAHAI KAWAN2 :) HAVE A NICE DAY,” tulis Tiz di Facebooknya.

Tiz juga telah memuat naik gambarnya bersama-sama dengan Remy yang ketika ini mereka berdua sedang bercuti di Thailand bersama teman-teman rapat.

Jadi, apakah sebenarnya yang berlaku?

Bagi penulis, jika empunya badan menampakkan diri mereka dalam keadaan elok, jadi, janganlah mudah untuk membuat andaian sendiri.

Selebihnya, hanya Remy dan Tiz sahaja yang tahu.

Oleh: NAIMAH SHAARI

Compiled by : Sanaa 30/09/12

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