• Thank you friends readers and passers-by for your continuous support to my blog. I will not be able to update often now and many articles and short story left hanging in the draft box due to the pressure of time lately but nevertheless I am trying to cope with it and will post few as time goes by.

    Pleasant day and have a good life.

    Love

    Sanaa

    Good things come to those who wait.
    Better things come to those who try.
    Best things come to those who believe.
    Desired things come to those who pray.

    "Islamic Thinking"

    A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
    Lao Tzu

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Gossip

Life has been so hectic for the past couple of months. I am not really able to concentrate more on topic of writing. My visions and senses gone awry and make me start thinking why and why. It is not the topic but the environment and the tight schedule I am going through failed me in writing. Is that so? I ask myself again and again.

I let all the thinking drifted by. Take one easy and small steps each time. Really ignoring things I just sail my daily life as it comes. Do my work, chatting with friends and of course the lovely and dear couple cross my mind at any opportune time. When they do, they will definitely give me ideas to write. It makes me happy. But again after being writing for a while now I suddenly become very restless with the outcome. I realised this is bad for me and for the entire thing I’ve planned to do with writing. I keep on thinking but again nothing materialised.

Trying hard, I started to browse through all my paper cuttings, old write-up and few collections of my favourite novels. I have plenty, I said to myself but why can’t I find something concrete to write and really focus on one of my short stories been hanging in the draft box for long now. Recently I’ve watched the local produced drama title Soffiya which the director and writer claimed been influenced by Daniel Steele best-selling novel Malice. The 28 episode of the drama series disappoint me right to the end. I am not able to cultivate my wish of writing and self-development from the drama. I feel the drama lack of strength compared to the influence novel.

After Anugerah Skrin 2011 on 4th November, 2011 there was topic of chit chatting with friends. It was not the award presentation but the corat-coret during the presentation. Between the highlight of the night there was a couple been focus and dearly love by the camera.It is none other than Remy Ishak and Tiz Zaqyah. Immediately after Remy made a nation wide declaration and announcement, their relationship become public, I am sure all eyes were on them. Without doubt they stole the night, not just because of Remy’s announcement but they are adorable in person. Together they make a perfect couple. They are loved by their fans and media for the night and making their appearance on the red carpet a target gossip topic, I thought.

Much to my surprise nothing much been said in the gossip column after the award ceremony. Their sweet and lovely pictures only captured by their fans and shared with other fans via facebook. I have accepted and acknowledge by now Remy and Tiz is not media darling compared with other known actors in the industry. Remy winning that night it is not great to write about, I guess. There is nothing been said in a report I’ve browse through, or I might miss it. The top agenda of the night reporters and fans expected them to walk on the red carpet together, without doubt I believed so.

Nothing compares my surprise with what appears in the gossip program of our local TV production. Remy and Tiz been interviewed and they answered it well. But prior to that there was a woman dress very ugly in my point of view and rattling a gossip about the award ceremony. Oh no, I said to myself. How could a women disrespect her self by talking about others with ugly and aggravating face expression? Is it true all what she says? Did she actually look at herself before taking the job? OH MY…I really couldn’t believe this. Never cross my mind in Malaysia gossipers will go to that extend and level degrading themselves for the sake of gossiping. Gossip has been here for centuries and people love gossip but until today and until I decided to write I could not believe my eyes and ears about the compeer, really I couldn’t. Do you know who she is? It was said and mentioned her name is Kiah Propa…..only GOD knows why she is using that name.

It seems to me entertainment industry in Malaysia love gossip and nothing more. If the artists they like are not friendly, the next minute the blog gossip of cari.com.my will full of hatreds and disgusting words/comments against them. Among the hits in such column will be Remy Ishak and Tiz Zaqyah. I must admit I read gossip, I listen to them and I acknowledge them BUT I know the limit and limitation of accepting such gossip. I have to read at times and feeling guilty reading such column but if I don’t I am behind time with what people are talking about…hahaha I had a good laugh at myself.

Relationship between Remy Ishak and Tiz Zaqyah I am sure is not new to their fans and readers. All along they have said they are just friends. No string attached. But I am sure the friendship develop into something deeper and stronger and it is time to share that bit of information. Remy announce their relationship on Tiz birthday which falls on 25/10. As their fan and follower I really feel it is the sweetest act by Remy. I am sure Tiz was in cloud nine reading and knowing it…unless she wants to deny the fact, which I think she won’t. Again I assume out of it but it is really a good assumption, am I right?

Another unfortunate event took place. A week after (if I recall correctly) the declaration been made, a gossip column writer from known Bahasa Malaysia newspaper ie Mingguan Malaysia purportedly wrote Remy’s announcement been pressured by the fans and media. The other reason stated Remy and Tiz was denying the friendship all along and not declaring their status of relationship because they are afraid of losing their fans and their popularity will plunge. Her name is Joyah.

I am able to drop my jaw with that kind of statement and soon after Remy react on the write-up. I am sure he was angry enough to do such act. Definitely avid readers of column cari.com.my will have their say.This time around most of the readers and gossipers I should say give Remy undivided support and thumb up. Undeniably I’ll give my support to Remy although he was rather rough and rude in expressing his point. I am not judging him but I am trying to understand his feeling with such accusation. The tale of the gossip goes on until Anugerah Skrin and a long interview with Remy Ishak was in Berita Minggu last Sunday. Remy gave his point of view about the gossip written by Joyah. (Unfortunately I am not able to retrieve Remy interview with Berita Minggu)

How gossips destroy people’s life? How could people go on creating stories for the sake of writing? Please try to read the article and interpretation of gossip given by Wikipedia. As I mention earlier gossip has been around for centuries but lately it seems gossip been attacking the entertainment industry with no respect at all. The personal and private life of our actors and actresses has been the media focus instead of their career in acting or singing or any other forms of entertainment (if any) in Malaysia. I must admit I am not following many actors and actresses in Malaysia but with few I know and read it is such disgusting, depressing and annoying how the media play their role and make them print their right to write about the actors and actresses. Please don’t take me wrong….they are not angel and neither are we but the length people go talking about the industry people as though they are a saint.

Gossips does not only going on between the media and the industry people but gossip do happen between the fans. The amount of gossip between fans can be horrendous. I am a witness in this scenario and I tell myself things will never change until and unless we change our mind concept. At times I must admit I am in the middle of this “gossip” although it meant well.

With hope and prayers I sincerely support Remy and Tiz career and their journey in acting goes smoothly. May they have faith, courage and with full confident to go on in the industry despite their troubles and obstacles being an artist. A friend said to me today, an artist is just selling a product, they meet the public and fans when they have a product to sell but if they don’t they will run their life as normal as other human being. Again the unfortunate of being or hold a status as an artist in Malaysia the fans and followers demand their idol belong to them or the fan club. I might sound harsh or sarcastic in this way but just admit it to ourselves some of us are “fanatic” to Remy Ishak and Tiz Zaqyah and we leave them breathless.

Am I wrong? Look again what people do, tweet or comment in any of the current technology called facebook, twitter, my space and any other with hope you might find the answer in there.

It is perfectly monstrous the way people go about today saying things against one, behind one’s back, that are absolutely and entirely true.

Oscar Wilde quotes (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

Written by : Sanaa 16/11/11

*****
Gossip
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Gossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others, It is one of the oldest and most common means of sharing facts and views, but also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and variations into the information transmitted. The term can also imply that the idle chat or rumour is of personal or trivial nature, as opposed to normal conversation,

Gossip has been researched in terms of its evolutionary psychology origins.[1] This has found gossip to be an important means by which people can monitor cooperative reputations and so maintain widespread indirect reciprocity.[2] Indirect reciprocity is defined here as “I help you and somebody else helps me.” Gossip has also been identified by Robin Dunbar, an evolutionary biologist, as aiding social bonding in large groups.[3] With the advent of the internet gossip is now widespread on an instant basis, from one place in the world to another what used to take a long time to filter through is now instant.

The term is sometimes used to specifically refer to the spreading of dirt and misinformation, as (for example) through excited discussion of scandals. Some newspapers carry “gossip columns” which detail the social and personal lives of celebrities or of élite members of certain communities.[citation needed]

Etymology

The word is from Old English godsibb, from god and sibb, the term for godparents, i.e. a child’s godfather or godmother. In the 16th century, the word assumed the meaning of a person, mostly a woman, one who delights in idle talk, a newsmonger, a tattler.[4] In the early 19th century, the term was extended from the talker to the conversation of such persons. The verb to gossip, meaning “to be a gossip”, first appears in Shakespeare.
The term originates from the bedroom at the time of childbirth. Giving birth used to be a social (ladies only) event, in which a pregnant woman’s female relatives and neighbours would gather. As with any social gathering there was chattering and this is where the term gossip came to mean talk of others.[5]

Functions

This Soviet war poster conveys the message: “Don’t chatter! Gossiping borders on treason” (1941).
Gossip can:[1]
reinforce – or punish the lack of – morality and accountability;
reveal passive aggression, isolating and harming others;
serve as a process of social grooming, building a sense of community with shared interests, information, and values;
begin a courtship that helps one find their desired mate, by counseling others; or,
provide a peer-to-peer mechanism for disseminating information in organizations.

Workplace gossip

Mary Gormandy White, a human resource expert, identifies workplace gossip by factors or “signs”:
Animated people become silent (“Conversations stop when you enter the room”)
People begin staring at someone
Workers indulge in inappropriate topics of conversation.[6] She suggests “five tips … [to] handle the situation with aplomb:
Rise above the gossip
Understand what causes or fuels the gossip
Do not participate in workplace gossip
Allow for the gossip to go away on its own
If it persists, “gather facts and seek help.”[6]
Peter Vajda identifies gossip as a form of workplace violence, noting that it is “essentially a form of attack.” Gossip is thought by many to “empower one person while disempowering another” (Hafen). Accordingly, many companies have formal policies in their employee handbooks against gossip.[7] Sometimes there is room for disagreement on exactly what constitutes unacceptable gossip, since workplace gossip may take the form of offhand remarks about someone’s tendencies such as “He always takes a long lunch,” or “Don’t worry, that’s just how she is.”[8] TLK Healthcare cites as examples of gossip, “tattletailing to the boss without intention of furthering a solution or speaking to co-workers about something someone else has done to upset us.” Corporate email can be a particularly dangerous method of gossip delivery, as the medium is semi-permanent and messages are easily forwarded to unintended recipients; accordingly, a Mass High Tech article advised employers to instruct employees against using company email networks for gossip.[9] Low self-esteem and a desire to “fit in” are frequently cited as motivations for workplace gossip. There are five essential functions that gossip has in the workplace (according to DiFonzo & Bordia):

Helps individuals learn social information about other individuals in the organization (often without even having to meet the other individual)
Builds social networks of individuals by bonding co-workers together and affiliating people with each other.
Breaks existing bonds by ostracizing individuals within an organization.
Enhances one’s social status/power/prestige within the organization.
Inform individuals as to what is considered socially acceptable behavior within the organization.
According to Kurkland and Pelled, workplace gossip can be very serious depending upon the amount of power that the gossiper has over the recipient, which will in turn affect how the gossip is interpreted. There are four types of power that are influenced by gossip:
Coercive: when a gossiper tells negative information about a person, their recipient might believe that the gossiper will also spread negative information about them. This causes the gossipers coercive power to increase.
Reward: when a gossiper tells positive information about a person, their recipient might believe that the gossiper will also spread positive information about them. This causes the gossipers reward power to increase.
Expert: when a gossiper seems to have very detailed knowledge of either the organization’s values or about others in the work environment, their expert power becomes enhanced.
Referent: this power can either be reduced OR enhanced to a point. When people view gossiping as a petty activity done to waste time, a gossipers referent power can decrease along with their reputation. When a recipient is thought of as being invited into a social circle by being a recipient, the gossipers referent power can increase, but only to a high point where then the recipient begins to resent the gossiper (Kurland & Pelled).
Some negative consequences of workplace gossip may include:[10]
Lost productivity and wasted time,
Erosion of trust and morale,

Increased anxiety among employees as rumors circulate without any clear information as to what is fact and what isn’t,

Growing divisiveness among employees as people “take sides,”
Hurt feelings and reputations,

Jeopardized chances for the gossipers’ advancement as they are perceived as unprofessional, and
Attrition as good employees leave the company due to the unhealthy work atmosphere.
Turner and Weed theorize that among the three main types of responders to workplace conflict are attackers who cannot keep their feelings to themselves and express their feelings by attacking whatever they can. Attackers are further divided into up-front attackers and behind-the-back attackers. Turner and Weed note that the latter “are difficult to handle because the target person is not sure of the source of any criticism, nor even always sure that there is criticism.”[11]

It is possible however, that there may be illegal, unethical, or disobedient behavior happening at the workplace and this may be a case where reporting the behavior may be viewed as gossip. It is then left up to the authority in charge to fully investigate the matter and not simply look past the report and assume it to be workplace gossip.

Informal networks through which communication occurs in an organization are sometimes called the grapevine. In a study done by Harcourt, Richerson, and Wattier, it was found that middle managers in several different organizations believed that gathering information from the grapevine was a much better way of learning information than through formal communication with their subordinates (Harcourt, Richerson & Wattier).

Various views

Some see gossip as trivial, hurtful and socially and/or intellectually unproductive.
Some people view gossip as a lighthearted way of spreading information.
A feminist definition of gossip presents it as “a way of talking between women, intimate in style, personal and domestic in scope and setting, a female cultural event which springs from and perpetuates the restrictions of the female role, but also gives the comfort of validation.” (Jones, 1990:243)

In early modern England

In Early Modern England the word “gossip” referred to companions in childbirth, not limited to the midwife. It also became a term for women-friends generally, with no necessary derogatory connotations. (OED n. definition 2. a. “A familiar acquaintance, friend, chum”, supported by references from 1361 to 1873). It commonly referred to an informal local sorority or social group, who could enforce socially-acceptable behaviour through private censure or through public rituals, such as “rough music”, the cucking stool and the skimmington ride.
In Thomas Harman’s Caveat for Common Cursitors 1566 a ‘walking mort’ relates how she was forced to agree to meet a man in his barn, but informed his wife. The wife arrived with her “five furious, sturdy, muffled gossips” who catch the errant husband with “his hosen about his legs” and give him a sound beating. The story clearly functions as a morality tale in which the gossips uphold the social order.[12]
In Sir Herbert Maxwell,Bart’s The Chevalier of the Splendid Crest [1900] at the end of chapter 3 the king is noted as referring to his loyal knight “Sir Thomas de Roos” in kindly terms as “my old gossip”. Whilst a historical novel of that time the reference implies a continued use of the term “Gossip” as childhood friend as late as 1900.

In Judaism

Main article: Lashon hara
Judaism considers gossip spoken without a constructive purpose (known in Hebrew as an evil tongue, lashon hara) as a sin. Speaking negatively about people, even if retelling true facts, counts as sinful, as it demeans the dignity of man — both the speaker and the subject of the gossip. According to Proverbs 18:8: “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels: they go down to a man’s innermost parts.”

In Islam

Islam considers backbiting the equivalent of eating the flesh of one’s dead brother. According to Muslims, backbiting harms its victims without offering them any chance of defense, just as dead people cannot defend against their flesh being eaten. Muslims are expected to treat each other like brothers, deriving from Islam’s concept of brotherhood amongst its believers.

In Christianity

The Epistle to the Romans associates gossips (“backbiters”) with a list of sins including sexual immorality and with murder:
28: And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;
29: Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,
30: Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,
31: Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:
32: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them. (Romans 1:28-32)

According to Matthew 18, Jesus also taught that conflict resolution among church members ought to begin with the aggrieved party attempting to resolve their dispute with the offending party alone. Only if this did not work would the process escalate to the next step, in which another church member would become involved. After that if the person at fault still would not “hear”, the matter was to be fully investigated by the church elders, but not exposed publicly.

In order to gossip, writes Phil Fox Rose, we “must harden our heart towards the ‘out’ person. We draw a line between ourselves and them; define them as being outside the rules of Christian charity… We create a gap between ourselves and God’s Love.” As we harden our heart towards more people and groups, he continues, “this negativity and feeling of separateness will grow and permeate our world, and we’ll find it more difficult to access God’s love in any aspect of our lives.”[13]

But, it should be recognized that the Bible is both in favor of Group Accountability ( Ephesians 5:11; 1st Tim 5:20; James 5:16; Gal 6:1-2; 1 Cor 12:26) as well as against Gossip (Proverbs 18:8; Romans 1:29; 2 Cor 12:20; 1 Tim 5:13; 3 John 1:10).

4 Responses

  1. How long does it take u to prepare the research? Very informative and well written. Really proud of u. Mcm ni bleh ganti Siti Jarum or better still Marina Mahathir. I’m totally agreed with Lia Sakinah. I’ve nothing to comment further. Again, thank u for the well written article.

  2. Salam Sanaa… Well said and elaborated. I really love your writing for this entry. They are all that I’ve could ever think of in my mind but I definitely can’t pour them out in writing as what u did. So, thumbs up!!!😀

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