Compiling, reading articles and browsing the net is part and parcel of my daily chores. I must read…for me to write and finding topic or subject is another crucial daily chores. Sometimes idea came across while chatting with friends, looking and observing activities people around me or while having a cup of coffee at side-walk café in Bukit Bintang.
It was a rare occasion for me hanging around Bukit Bintang after 10 pm but I did it with my niece and nephews sometime last week. It is fun though looking at people going fast and about their lives. At one corner a couple having a romantic dinner, smooching at each other and noticing they been observed. At the other end a multi-racial group of people talking and having a good laugh with beer in hand, whistling to the sexy or nearly half-naked women along the street and few decent couple just having their snacks and coffee. Here I am with my young adult niece and nephews together with my brother, sister and sister in-law making observation about life in general.
I raised many questions in my mind about many things. Looking at people walking and passing by rushing home perhaps, make me think about the youngsters or young executives around the area that night. They looked tired after a long day at work and perhaps they just want to chill before going home. I am sure they have a decent job and with a decent income.
My eyes can’t stop roaming around as far as my eyes can take, and by looking at their behaviour anyone can’t stop judging. Laughing out loud, their dress, their company and their action will definitely attract the attention of others. Without notice I become a street writer…taking notes using my mental picture and my eyes the photographic view. Can I be blamed for it?
When we are out there and doing things in the public and with many scrutinizing eyes, we can’t avoid people’s perception. I am sure I am being observed too since I’m there with three young adults together with three adults. Not a normal place for a family to hang out for a cup of coffee and slice of cake or a piece of toast bread, isn’t it? But it is a life lesson to the three young adults and it is a way of learning social etiquette and behaviour and human relationship too. I’m not saying it is THE BEST way or it is the way but sometimes exposure will be good. Make them think, is this the kind of life they wanted after their graduation and in working life? What kind of responsibility these youngsters have toward themselves, parents and society?
For few in their office attire, we will know at precise moment they had a hard day at work, a cup and tête-à-tête with friends before going home will release the tension of the day maybe. The rest and especially the young women between the age of 20 to 25 hanging around with the guys, laughing out loud, and cigarettes in hand, wine or beer at the other will definitely formed an image or wondering questions for a person like me. Aren’t they working the next day? What they do for a living? Are they rich spoil brat?
Being at this age I can’t help asking myself are these kinds of bunch will be my son or daughter in-law one day. Will I one day prepare 1000 of questionnaire before allowing my son or daughter to get married? I must admit I belong to the old school of thought; marriage is a solemn promised between a man and a woman. Whenever two people agree to tie a knot there will be vow taken and a vow given which brings us to our basic of life; our religion. How rich we are, how modern life could be, how educated we are or how fortunate and unfortunate we could be, there’s always brings us back to our roots. No amount of money can buy happiness without honesty, sincerity, trust, loyal and being grateful.
As we about to leave just before midnight, there are few familiar faces around town taking their seat. No one can miss them because they are our local known celebrities. Nothing is wrong with them being there, I’m there with my family members but the moment their beverages arrived my nephew raised his eye-brow. As though a record is playing, my late father advises came into mind…you can’t change the society but you can change yourself for a better future with your mind-set, attitude, and behaviour and the top of the list, remember your roots. In whatever we do religion comes first.
It is easier said than done, trust me but life is a process. Going through the process, I’ve learned to accept, adept, listen and observed with open heart and mind which life is to short for everything. As a girl, young adults, grown-up and matured I have seen and experienced the turmoil of life which makes me grateful for what I have. The education given to me and the life experienced make me wanted to cry for the youngsters of today.
What will they become?
A thought by: Sanaa 19/11/12
The Mistress Mentality and Why You’ll Never Be More Than That
I’ve always lived by the age old saying “People will only do to you what you allow them to do” and the same rings true in relationships. There are a lot of women who have the mistress mentality and in turn will always be the mistress. Even if they are the main woman in their man’s life, they’re still the mistress. Why? Because they have the mistress mind-set and haven’t learned to grow out of it.
In a conversation about open relationships someone said that they are not against open relationships. They went on to say that they would only date one person, but wouldn’t be upset with their “significant other” dating other people. To me, there is something wrong with this ideology. What’s the point of being in an open relationship and your mate is the only person who’s open? This makes you the mistress in your own relationship. Essentially you’re just allowing him to cheat, yet you stick around with him because for some reason you feel that you have to. Some women may say “it’s in a man’s nature to be with multiple women” and this too is the mistress mentality and why you’ll never amount to more than just that, a mistress.
Not all men cheat, but do you think you’ll get a faithful man if you let him know from the beginning that you expect him to step out on you. Not only are you letting him know that you expect it, but you’re letting him know it’s okay. Your mistress mentality has convinced you that no man is capable of monogamy and that’s not true. Men will only do what you allow them to do.
The problem with the mistress mentality is that far too many mistresses have a weak mind. They are okay with bad behavior from men because that’s all they have had to endure. The problem with this is that a lot of these women can’t get passed that point and will forever remain the side-chick. Do you want to die the ultimately lonely mistress? You may want to fix your mind set.
A mistress can be loosely defined as a woman currently connected to a man for the purposes of sexual favors. But the question remains – what else, if anything does either party get out of such a relationship? In the wake of the Tiger Woods fiasco, the term “mistress” has been examined, explored, re-defined, and overstated.
Initially, a mistress might be a woman that participates in sexual activity with a married man for no other reason than the purpose of sexual pleasure. However, in this day and age, more and more women require “payment for services rendered”. Of course, no one wants to be compared to a prostitute. But what’s the difference? A mistress might have a bill or two paid; having this married man fill up the refrigerator with groceries; purchase clothes, vacations, etc. Each of these “purchases” takes money out of the man’s household. All the while, the needs of the mistress appear to be met. So who’s at fault? The man or the mistress?
There are two different schools of thought regarding this form of “friends-with-benefits”. Married persons have entered into a contract – and unless there is an expressed understanding of an open relationship, then those benefits amount to no more than cheating! The cheater often states that they receive conversation, attention, and sex from the “mistress”. The mistress is either enjoying the company for nothing more than it is; or has her own hidden agenda (ie, bills paid, attempting to take this man from his current spouse, etc.).
So the question remains. Should the fault lie with the cheater? They are “forsaking” vows and are the guilty party within the committed relationship. Or should the fault lie with the mistress? Had they not made themselves available, cheating of the sexual nature would not occur.
Inside the mind of a mistress
By : Amanda Deer
This weekend I had the opportunity to chat with a woman I had never met. I was visiting her place of work (for other reasons) and she sat across from me during her morning break. We struck up a conversation about health care, arthritis, the government, and finally love. It’s when my new acquaintance, a 60-something divorcee, mentioned her boyfriend.
I asked if there were wedding bells in the air. She responded, “Oh, he’s not ‘available’.” I tried to conceal the horror that I’m sure projected from my eyes when she explained, “He’s married.”
My mind screamed, You are the very thing which I most fear and despise! You are the woman my entire life’s work attempts to counteract! However, now was not the time to rebuke this woman by telling her she was ruining society. I knew we would not build a friendship that way and that any angry diatribe wouldn’t change her ways. So I calmed myself and just talked to her. She told me she’s been in the affair for 20 years and I simply asked, “Why?”
I found out she wasn’t a Christian, that she was devastatingly lonely and felt unloved by “everyone in the world,” even her own family. She was almost in tears as she she protested, “People just don’t understand!” She met the only man in the world who ever valued her. He conveyed love to her and showed her kindness, unlike so many she had met. So when the choice came, her desire for all those things overpowered her notions of right and wrong.
My heart broke, and my thoughts turned inward. This is what a life without Christ is often like. This woman, not knowing the things of God, tried to fill the void in her life with the love of a man, any man.
Though she is mired in sexual sin, God loves this woman. And my heart broke for her in a way that has changed the way I see the lost.
The Role of a Mistress: Is it as Glamorous as it Seems?
Mistress: A mysterious sexy woman that a married man sees in secret to have a romantic and sexual relationship with. This is the definition of a mistress. There is good sex, hotel room adventures, late nights, seductive phone calls, exciting secret dates, gifts and the thrill of doing something bad. But is being a mistress as glamorous as it seems?
Yes, BUT only at first. Being a mistress has its exciting moments and these are the moments that convince women to become a mistress in the first place. In the beginning, the mistress holds all the power. She is the one who has the married man under a love spell and she gets all his attention and time that he should be spending with his wife. She is the one he fantasizes about when he is with his wife and the one he misses. He urges for her company and longs to hear her voice. The mistress is the woman a married man makes first priority and will shower her with gifts to keep her happy. This all sounds fun and good, but it is very short lived and eventually, the light goes on and shines on the truth of what the life of a mistress really is and eventually becomes after the sexy stage is over.
Relationships that start off in deception usually end in deception. When a woman gets involved with a married man, she turns a blind eye to the fact that he is a cheater and an unreliable partner. She sees only what she wants to see and believes only what she wants to believe. She acknowledges the fact that he is cheating on his wife with her, but refuses to see that she too is a victim of his selfish behavior- choosing to make herself his victim. Men rarely leave their wives and family for their mistresses, which means that they string their mistresses along, having them believe that one day they will both be together with no more hiding around. Mistresses hang on to this fantasy, believing that their married lover truly loves them and will eventually be with them and this begins a long journey of emotional pain, emptiness and endless waiting.
There are of course cases when a married man will actually leave his wife to be with his mistress, this has been known to happen, but it is rare. Plus, if it does happen, the relationship usually does not last, even if man and mistress go as far as getting married. This is because when the relationship started, it was not planted on solid, honest ground. Instead, the seed of the relationship was planted on unstable ground, fertilized with secrets and lies- regardless of whom the secrets were being kept from and whom the lies were being told to. Secrets and lies disallow people from being their true selves- a part of you has to be put on hold due to the man-mistress circumstance. If the man and his mistress do end up together and get married, they eventually have troubles with trust, because of the way they got together. They both know that they are capable of cheating and going along with cheating and while they may actually love each other- all the facts defining their relationship has the greater influence, whether they want to acknowledge it or not.
Most man-mistress relationships do not get that far though and majority of the times, he will not leave his marriage for his mistress. He may believe at one point that he will, but his feeling of responsibility and need to be loyal to his wife and family take over and he therefore does not leave. Most men have affairs because of communication problems in their marriage or an empty gap that has grown in their marriage and they are unsure on how to approach. They long for good happy company again without complications, and an affair is a good escape for them- but it does not last forever.
Compiled by : Sanaa 18/11/12